Zebra

Never can say goodbye

Mon, 20 Apr 2026 08:06:51 GMT

I used to take it very personally when a friendship fizzled out. I would replay conversations in my head, wondering what I had done wrong and why they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. As the years have passed, I’ve become more philosophical about it. I’m more in tune with my values, so I immediately notice when something isn’t quite right. As my friendships have got deeper, a superficial friendship stands out and if I’m honest, sometimes I am quietly relieved when it comes to an end.

Society often paints endings as a bad thing – as a failure, a sign that we didn’t put in enough effort, or in times of grief, as something only to be met with great sorrow. We’re taught to focus on starting things: new jobs, new projects, new relationships. Very few of us are taught how to end things well – how to say “this has run its course” without labelling ourselves or the other person as the villain of the story. But sometimes ending something can be the most courageous thing you can do. It’s a sign that you are fully aware of how you want to live and clear about what no longer has a place in your life.

Of course, we can’t always choose to end things. Some commitments are fixed or bound up in responsibilities and circumstances that are too tricky to navigate an immediate ending. But in other situations, we lack the courage – or maybe the language – to end a friendship, a job, a relationship, even a version of ourselves that no longer fits. We cling on, long after the joy, growth or alignment has gone, because the ending feels scarier than the discomfort that we’re already experiencing.

It’s an area I am fascinated by. Recently, I performed my own endings ritual: a deliberate moment of saying goodbye to parts of my life, parts of my personality and limiting beliefs that were no longer serving me. I sat with a notebook and wrote them down, one by one – roles I had outgrown, expectations I was tired of carrying, stories I had told myself for years about who I was “allowed” to be. I acknowledged how each of these had once supported me and then thanked them and let them go.

It was incredibly cathartic. There was something powerful about putting it on paper – seeing in black and white the things I no longer wanted to drag into my future. Writing became a way of drawing a line: this belongs to an old chapter, and I’m choosing to close that chapter now. That simple act gave me a new perspective and a lightness, a sense that I could lean more fully into how I want to live my life rather than how I used to live it.

Since then, I’ve been thinking about endings in a broader sense. Friendships that once revolved around a shared environment – a workplace, a course, a life stage – may naturally loosen when that context disappears. Identities that we have cherished – the reliable one, the fixer, the always‑available friend – might stop feeling true as we evolve. Recognising this isn’t a failure; it is information. It tells us we’ve grown.

What if we saw endings as part of the natural rhythm of a values‑led life? Some things arrive to stay, some to stretch us for a while, and some simply to walk alongside us for a particular chapter. When we honour that, we can let go with more grace. We can appreciate what a friendship, a role or a belief gave us, and still make the brave decision to say, “Thank you. That’s enough now.”

I no longer automatically see an ending as proof that something has gone wrong. More often, I see it as a sign that something in me has changed – that my values have sharpened, and that I’m paying closer attention to how alive, grounded and honest my life feels. The invitation today is to ask yourself whether there is anything in your life you would like to honour and say goodbye to. If you choose to end well, what might quietly begin in its place?

Something inside so strong

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 07:22:14 GMT

Last week I found myself voluntarily swimming for six hours in 15.7° water. On paper, that sounds a bit mad. In reality, it felt like a strange homecoming: back to the cold, back to the rhythm of stroke, back to that quiet question I keep asking myself – how far can I really go? I was reminded that my mental resilience is strong, and I am lucky not to feel the cold as much as others do. My quiet superpowers held me in good stead.

Since my Sealand Swim last year, I’ve been intrigued, if not a little excited, about discovering my edges. I’ve dared to dream about a Channel solo swim – a thought that still feels outrageous when I say it out loud and yet is more “yes” than “no” every time I check in with myself.

I’ve also noticed how the people I spend time with change what feels possible. The more I hang out with Channel solo swimmers, the more normalised the idea of doing it myself becomes. They talk about tides and feeds, jellyfish and night swimming, with the same casual tone other people use to talk about their commute. Being around them shrinks the gap between “impossible” and “maybe I could”. Then I speak to my non‑swimming friends, who go pale at the mention of 14‑hour swims and shipping lanes, and I’m reminded that what feels ordinary in one community can seem utterly extraordinary in another.

Their visible anxiety has been interesting to sit with. On the one hand, I feel incredibly held by their concern; on the other, I’ve had to get clearer about what is fear‑based “don’t do it” and what is genuine, practical care for my safety. It’s made me reflect on how often we absorb other people’s limitations as our own. How many dreams get quietly shelved because someone else can’t imagine themselves doing it?

My swimming journey has been transformational for my mental health and resilience, as well as my physical health. When I first started, it was simply about moving my body and finding some headspace. Over time, it has become the place I go to remember who I am. There is something about immersing myself in cold water, the shock, the breath, the focus, that presses a reset button inside me. It is so calming and yet energising at the same time.

Every time I achieve something new in the water – a longer distance, a colder temperature, a tougher sea – it ripples into other areas of my life. If I can stay calm when my face is burning with cold, maybe I can stay calmer in a difficult conversation. If I can keep swimming when the sea is choppy, perhaps I can keep going when a work project feels overwhelming. The water has become a rehearsal room for courage. If I can swim through stormy waters and come out smiling, then life is good. I’m discovering that resilience is less about gritting my teeth and more about staying connected – to my body, to my values, to the supporters around me.

My swimming community has been just as powerful as the swimming itself. The incredibly encouraging swimmers I’ve met along the way have taught me the importance of cheerleaders and of getting outside your comfort zone. But having cheerleaders doesn’t mean they always tell you it will be easy. It means they hold your belief when yours wobbles. They remind you of the training you’ve done, the swims you’ve already completed, the grit you’ve shown on days when the chop was high and the wind unkind. When my self-talk wavers, I can rely on them to lift me up.

When I think about a potential Channel solo, I still feel that familiar mix of excitement and fear. But underneath it, there is a steadier knowing – a sense that something inside me is indeed so strong. Not invincible, not reckless, just quietly, stubbornly strong. For now, I’m taking it one cold swim, one training session, one conversation at a time.

Maybe that’s the real invitation, whether you swim or not: to ask yourself where your “channel” lies, what cold, slightly outrageous thing is calling you. To surround yourself with people who expand your sense of what’s possible. And to remember that even in the choppiest waters, you might be stronger than you think.

Living in a box?

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 12:03:04 GMT

I was asked the other day what my latest project was – is it events or is it coaching? On the surface, it’s a simple question, but this lens feels far too small for me. We live in a world that loves tidy labels, quick LinkedIn headlines and neat “What do you do?” answers, and yet few people have the time or curiosity to get to know who we are underneath those labels. I find myself entering 2026 less tied to a routine, but with a stronger awareness of who I am and where I’d like to put my energy. The more I learn about myself and my values, the harder it is to squeeze what I do into a job title. So I’ve stopped trying. Instead, I talk about finding ways to connect, to build communities, to inspire others to be the best they can be – and the places I do this take many shapes and forms.

Part of the discomfort comes from how much of our identity we’ve been taught to hook onto work - “I’m a lawyer” “I’m a teacher” “I’m in events.” These phrases are useful shortcuts, but they can become boxes that feel increasingly tight as we grow and change. A portfolio of different roles – a mix of projects, interests and income streams – is becoming more common, yet our language hasn’t quite caught up. When your week spans facilitating a workshop one day, coaching someone through a career crossroads the next, and then hosting a community event, the old labels start to feel flimsy. What sits beneath it all, for me, is a desire to create spaces where people feel seen, connected and alive.

So how can we support people to find more meaning in their lives, rather than pushing them back into the nearest box? I think it starts with the questions we ask. Instead of “What do you do?”, we might ask “What are you curious about at the moment?” or “Where are you feeling most alive in your life right now?” Open questions invite longer, more thoughtful answers and help people feel genuinely heard. They gently signal that it’s safe to bring more of themselves into the conversation, not just the polished job‑title version.

We also need to be careful about the assumptions we make about what a “good” path looks like. It might be the promotion and the bigger job title – but it might equally be a sideways step, a portfolio career, a season of freelancing or a role that pays less but fits your values more. So many of us quietly crave change but talk ourselves out of it because we don’t have “enough experience” in a new field. Yet if we look honestly at our lives, we are often carrying a rich mix of transferable skills and lived experience: the projects we’ve led, the teams we’ve supported, the crises we’ve navigated, the care work we’ve done. All of this counts. The bigger question is whether we are prepared to take a risk on ourselves.

Leaning into this messier, more fluid way of living can feel unsettling. It often leads to a richer life, but also a more complex one – less certainty, fewer straight lines, and more conversations where you see people’s eyes slightly glaze over as you try to explain “what you do now.” A life built around what makes you come alive can mean sitting with more ambiguity day to day, trusting that clarity comes from action rather than over‑thinking. But it also offers more chances to feel in flow, to notice that you are fully present in a moment, using your strengths in service of something that matters to you.

I’m reminded of the Howard Thurman quote: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” I come back to this often. It doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities or pretending life is simple. To me, it is an invitation to keep asking: Where do I feel most alive? How can I bring more of that into my work, my relationships, my community – even in small, everyday ways? When we follow that thread, we don’t just step out of the box for ourselves; we quietly give others permission to do the same.

So perhaps the more helpful question for all of us this year isn’t “What’s your job?” but “What are you building?” A life, a community, a practice, a body of work – even if it doesn’t fit neatly on a business card.

New you or the true you?

Thu, 22 Jan 2026 10:34:25 GMT

It’s January and many of us make resolutions for the year ahead. “It’s going to be a new me – I’m going to lose weight, exercise more and read every day.” Perhaps the reason we often fall short is that we are aiming for the wrong thing, or we don’t explore ways of achieving it that are in line with how we actually want to live. Maybe it’s more helpful to think about the true you rather than the new you. Societal pressure can make us feel that we should be doing certain things, but are we really taking the time to think about how we would like to live?

Exercising more can take many forms. I’ve never found running enjoyable, but I love swimming, and it took time to discover this. If we pick the “wrong” thing, it isn’t a failure; it might simply mean we need to explore other options until we land on something that feels right for us.

I’ve just finished a book by Roman Krznaric called Work and the Art of Living. One line in particular has stayed with me: “Is your work big enough for your spirit?” I love this idea of seeking the aliveness in ourselves and questioning whether our work – or our life, for that matter – is truly fulfilling. Sometimes it is fear that stops us following our true calling rather than anything more practical like money or stability. And we all have our own version of this. The more we can look inward and find our own inner spirit, the more fulfilling and alive our lives can become.

Whenever we make a decision about how we want to live and work, we have a choice. In the busyness of life, we often find ourselves on autopilot, saying yes to a project because it’s what we’ve always done. We make decisions quickly because our to-do list is overflowing and we just want to tick something off. We don’t always stop, pause and ask whether there is another way, or whether we even want to be doing it at all.

So my invitation to you today is to give yourself permission to pause. Take a moment, create some space, and consider, as Mary Oliver writes, “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Shine bright like a diamond

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 09:16:28 GMT

As the year draws to a close, it is natural to reflect on the past twelve months. I often find myself torn between wanting to capture every achievement and simply being present for the moments themselves. I know I will rarely look back over a list of what I have done, yet I recently realised I had forgotten a couple of small but fulfilling projects from earlier in the year, lost in the fog of everything else that had been going on.

It is often those smaller moments that bring the most unexpected joy. I recently heard a lovely word: glimmers – “small, brief moments that make you feel safe, calm, connected or quietly joyful.” While the iconic moments of the year may be what spring to mind first, it is usually the glimmers that make me feel most connected: a random chat with a stranger after a swim, an uplifting read, a shared smile on the tube, a chat with a friend. When you start looking for them, these moments are everywhere, offering tiny resets and bursts of joy throughout the day.

For me, 2025 has been an uplifting year, from celebrating a big birthday to undertaking a big swim. But more than anything, I am remembering the glimmers: with friends and family, with strangers, in something heart warming I read, in the times I could make a difference to someone else. When I really pay attention, those glimmers are never far away. So as the year comes to an end, my hope for you is that something brings a little sparkle and joy into your life – and that you notice it when it arrives.

Let the sun shine

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 12:40:42 GMT

I have come to a little pause in my working life after a busy year and busy birthday celebrations. As I slow down and pause, I’m noticing a tussle between the unease and uncertainty of not knowing what’s next and the excitement about getting other things in my life done. I used to fight these uncomfortable feelings, but I’ve learnt to listen to them and explore what’s going on.

I know that some of the unease is linked to social norms and the fact that when people ask me what I’m doing it may sound as if I am sitting around not working, despite my full days. Some of the unease is linked to the uncertainty and knowing that I want to find the right thing to do next. And on the flip side, I take the opportunity of a lighter workload as a signal to try and achieve everything else I want to do in life and that, in itself, can cause some unease and overwhelm!

I have been reflecting on my coaching practice. When I started coaching, I wasn’t sure that I would be able to add value without giving solutions. I soon realised that the more present I was and the more human the connection, the more powerful the conversation and impact could be. And when I look at the next steps to take in my life, it really is this simple – the more I’m present and the more I anchor myself with my values and what’s important to me, the easier it becomes to make decisions about what to do on a daily, weekly and monthly basis; the decisions about whether to take a project on or not, can be viewed through this guiding light.

Last year I did a course on Ikigai – the Japanese concept of your ‘reason for being.’ I love this concept as it gives you an opportunity to explore your passions, skills, what the world needs and what you’re paid for. From this, I designed my Ikigai which is ‘To energetically connect with kindness, creativity, integrity, respect and joy, inspiring myself and others to shine brighter’ As I navigate these new paths, I will hold connection at the heart of what I do and ensure that whatever I’m doing, I’m enabling someone to shine brighter. So, what’s your reason for being today?

Just do it

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 12:00:22 GMT

I’ve written in the past about the benefits of embedding healthy habits. It’s something that I have found very helpful in my life. When I started a habit tracker 8 years ago, I would track absolutely everything on a weekly basis – how many times I swam, how many steps I walked, whether I had a meat-free day…the list goes on! I loved the ritual of it but over time, I noticed that I would happily tick off the habits that were well embedded to get that dopamine hit but brush over those that were a little harder.

I then started to focus more on the habits which weren’t so easy with mixed success. Some of them worked after a bit of tweaking but others resolutely failed to be part of my life. I found myself wondering if they were really things I wanted to do or was this an obligation or feeling that I should be doing them.

I recently read Meditation for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman and I was struck by his thoughts around information overload and the fact that we are never going to get everything done. It’s something I have struggled with. A lot of this is self-imposed, but there never seems to be enough time to get it all done. And while we can always blame a lack of ritual for inaction, the truth may be that some things are not in line with how we want to live our life. Perhaps we can let go of a few things which we feel we should do and focus more time on how we can live life more meaningfully.

Whilst reading this book, I was reminded of one of my early mentors in the events industry who’s mantra was JFDI (think Nike with an extra word!!) We spend a long time overthinking things or waiting for the ‘right’ moment to do something and that time may never come. Sometimes we just need to take action. Having read the book, I have become less of a slave to my To do list. It has been liberating and actually the things that mean a lot to me do happen. I had been waiting for ages for a Thursday or Friday night to meet a friend and ended up emailing and saying could she meet on a random afternoon and she could! So much wasted energy waiting for the right moment.

I heard Matt Haig say “get a routine baggy enough to live in” and I love this. Routines and habits can be helpful, but we also need to flex, improvise and just do stuff when it crosses our mind. Ironically one of my habits of being early is exactly to allow for random chats on the way. Not everything needs a ritual - sometimes we need to seize the moment and take action and knowing what makes you come alive makes it easier to make those choices. Do more of the meaningful stuff that will allow you to shine.

My Sealand Journey

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 12:04:01 GMT

Last Tuesday, I took on my biggest swim to date, swimming from the Principality of Sealand to Felixstowe. I wanted to mark turning 50 with a positive challenge, that would allow me to grow. Why this swim? I have been intrigued by the Principality of Sealand - a micronation on HM Fort Roughs, off the coast of Suffolk. I wanted to challenge myself to do a solo endeavour, take on my single longest distance swim and to train to be able to do it without a wetsuit. It was advertised as 7 miles but ended up being about 9 miles! I signed up in December 2024, giving myself an 8-month training period. And what have I learnt?

For something like sport, which I find intimidating, having a long lead time was good for me. I got comfortable with a Personal Trainer, I pushed myself to attend SwimDoctor sessions (still not always loving them), I went on a long-distance swimming week to build confidence and found a group to train with in Dover. Having the time to get into a new scary routine was helpful. It also meant that I had the time to flex training around busy and less busy work periods.
I am more resilient than I give myself credit for. In areas of my life where I feel more confident, I recognise my strengths, but sport has felt like a big weakness at school and through my 20s. It has taken me a long time to celebrate what I bring to the swimming. I have learnt that I am quite happy in cold water and that when I set myself a swimming goal, I push myself to do it, despite the fear and discomfort. In fact, I think it’s because of the fear and discomfort, that I am driven to push through! I also know that I enjoy long distance more than trying to sprint so I shouldn’t worry as people whizz past me in a class.
My swim was postponed twice and those postponements taught me not to wish away a key milestone. So often we want to tick something off and move on to the next thing, but this was too special to wish it away. I was so nervous the day before my original swim date that I think I got some of the nerves out of my system! By the time my date was finally confirmed, I was more excited than nervous and that felt magical!
I thought about coping mechanisms for when things might get tough. I chose a butterfly swimming costume because one mantra that has helped me through training is ‘Let your butterflies fly in formation.’ I channel my nerves to spur me on to do more and accept them as a sign that I care.
I learnt to accept what was thrown my way. After 14.5km I was disappointed to learn that I was being swept out and that I would need to get on the boat to be dropped further up the coast to finish the swim (a result of hanging out with too many channel swimmers where this would not be allowed!!) However, I soon made peace with this – there were no rules on this swim to say that this couldn’t happen, and there was so much positivity to celebrate rather than focussing on this.
My community has never felt stronger – during the last 8 months, I been supported by swimmers in London, Croatia, Dover and Felixstowe. Friends, family and colleagues have cheered me on endlessly. And the outpouring of love and support (as well as the financial support to charities I am swam for) on the day was truly incredible and overwhelming. It has reminded me that I don’t have to do things on my own. I can share my hopes and fears and the right people will support this.
I learnt to enjoy the journey – during my swim, I looked up at the looming Sealand platform, I admired container ships whizzing past, I smiled and joked with my crew, I thought about my Mum, I tried to improve my stroke, and I had a fabulous time. This was a huge difference from previous swims where I have felt amazing afterwards but found the actual swim very challenging and stressful. When things feel hard, we want them to be over, so it was refreshing to lean into it and enjoy every minute of it. I didn’t even realise when I wasn’t moving due to the currents!

“Despite choppy waters, I found my way and my stride, and I loved it!” This was me describing a practice swim to my coaching supervisor and she replied saying she thought it was a great metaphor for life! This swim has taught me to be kinder to myself, to believe in myself, to push myself to do things I never thought would be possible, to find the joy in the journey and to shine brighter. It’s not a bad way to start my 50s and I’m looking forward to whatever comes next.

Is this one moment in time?

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 09:22:19 GMT

Last week, I was hoping to complete my big sea swim that I have been training for, for the last 8 months. Unfortunately, the weather gods had other ideas, and my swim has been postponed. This has been an intense focus for me this year with all my training and healthy eating geared to this date so to have it postponed was strange. I am a quick decision maker and knew it was the right thing, but it still felt a little numb and disappointing.

Reflecting on it over the last week, I realise that I don’t want to wish it away in that one moment. This is a journey that I am enjoying hugely. It started off as a way to celebrate entering a new decade and to push myself on my swimming journey – my birthday present to myself! Throughout the year, I have expanded my swimming community with incredible new connections, I have put myself in swim classes where I feel very daunted, I have lifted weights I never thought were possible and I feel fitter than ever before. What’s more, I am thriving on the exercise and feel more resilient and joyful about life. I’m embracing a happier, fitter, more resilient, me, one that even 10 years ago, I would not have thought was ever a possibility. With this comes growth and expanding possibilities – who knows what’s around the corner!

The arbitrary date of the swim is useful to give me a focus, and I am buzzing to do it, but I don’t want it to be the end, I want it to be a milestone in a continuing journey. So, whilst it is a little frustrating to have to wait, I am going to continue to enjoy the journey, knowing that force 3 winds would have been tough. I am going to embrace uncertainty and know that this week has been so productive and exciting in other ways because I didn’t swim. I’m going to know that it will happen when the time is right. And most of all, I am going to try and enjoy it and not wish it away.

So much of our lives are busy rushing and ticking things off so we can move on to the next big thing. This is too important to me and who I am becoming to rush it and see it as another tick box exercise. This postponement has shown me that I need to enjoy this phase of the journey for a little longer and know that in every moment there is growth. So next time you are wishing away a milestone, take a moment to enjoy the journey, celebrate the wins, recognise how it has transformed you and hold on to what you will take forward in the next exciting chapter of your story. (And in case you are wondering, I am hoping to complete my swim in the next 3 weeks, weather permitting, so I will keep you posted ��)

SOS

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 10:54:36 GMT

When I worked on the Thames Diamond Jubilee River Pageant in 2012, I was bombarded with jargon…SAG, LOSPG, C3. The job was a step up for me and trying to navigate the acronyms didn’t help with my imposter syndrome. A few weeks in, I realised that lots of people were struggling with the same thing. We’d all sit in meetings, and no-one wanted to look silly. It took one brave person to ask for an explanation and you would see the relief fill the room. I even changed the LOSPG acronym in one meeting to see what would happen and no one batted an eyelid or had any idea what the acronym was supposed to be!

Over the years, I have got braver about asking when I don’t understand something. I think this also comes with confidence. Yet I did experience the same feeling when I started swimming training sessions this year. It took me a long time to sign up to classes because I was worried that I wouldn’t understand the jargon around swimming drills. And as expected, I didn’t but the more I talked about it, the more I realised that I wasn’t alone. I also realised that people are only too happy to explain it to ensure that I understand what to do. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of wanting to understand fully, in order to do your best. The fear of asking is often tied up with how we perceive we will be judged. When I think about when people ask me things, I don’t have that judgement so why should they have it about me? We are often wrapped up in our own thoughts and our perception of what people think of us, is simply not true.

I know that acronyms and jargon are supposed to make our lives easier but sometimes it feels like it’s being done to look good. Often a simpler way of communicating can be far more powerful and effective. We don’t need big words or jargon to prove we can do our jobs. By complicating things, we often exclude people. So have a think about whether your language is serving you and your community and whether there is a more effective way to communicate. We are all responsible for creating an inclusive, open and welcoming environment and we can do this by communicating clearly and being prepared to be vulnerable when we don’t understand.

Is that my goal?

Thu, 26 Jun 2025 10:48:04 GMT

Earlier this year, I set an arbitrary time target for my big swim. The following week I was sea swimming in very choppy conditions, and I was aware that so many elements are out of my control and setting that goal was not going to serve me. It’s a similar theme in my life when thinking of goals and habits - how much of a tangible goal do I need to set and how much do I leave to enjoy the journey and let things emerge. For anyone familiar with Insights Discovery, I lead with sunshine yellow energy, closely followed by fiery red and sometimes those two sides of me have a little tussle about the best way forward!

I know my goals need to have flexibility and I also know that having targets is a helpful way to keep me on track, but they key for me is working out what it’s useful to measure. Is that goal serving and motivating me? Am I allowing for all the uncertainty and elements outside of my control.

For my swim, I realised it was three things.

The first is about preparing myself to be in the best shape that I can be - for me this is a goal around regular swimming and gym training and eating well. By doing this, I’ll be in the best shape to face the unpredictable conditions on the day. The aim is to be the best that I can be and that is motivating enough to keep me training
The second is about preparing mentally to face the cold and unpredictable condition – for me this is about me reflecting on my swimming journey, celebrating my swimming successes and building my resilience
The third is about enjoying the journey and reflecting and learning about myself along the way. I continue to push and surprise myself about what I can achieve when I put my mind to it!

The time goal was not pushing me to train more as I’m already training enough. In fact, I could be setting myself up for failure as there is so much that I cannot control.

Often, it’s about doing something consistently, seeing those successes and enjoying the journey. Sometimes the destination changes or you get knocked off course. So, whatever your habits and goals, choose them wisely, measure what is serving you and step back and celebrate the successes along the way.

Always on my mind

Tue, 27 May 2025 07:33:55 GMT

I’ve found myself navigating a busy period of work – not just busy but a lot of brain-switching between wildly different projects.

Amazingly my swimming doesn’t suffer during these busy periods – I still manage to fit my swims into the week, no matter what’s on the agenda.

However, I noticed that other elements of my life have been neglected in the last couple of months. In particular – reading. I finally started a book at the weekend that I have been trying to start since the beginning of March.

Why does the swimming never suffer, and yet other things do? I’ve thought about it and think there are a couple of things going on for me:

The benefits of swimming radiate through all aspects of my life – mind, body, spirit – I always feel better after a swim, and I know that feeling so well that I always know that it is worth carving out the time for it
I have found times that are flexible and work with my routine. I build enough flex into the week so that when things get busy, I can find another way to make it work
Swimming is always front of mind when I am planning my week

In essence, swimming is a big non-negotiable part of who I am and my whole being.

When I started my book this weekend, which is about walking alongside grief, it was an incredibly uplifting read. However, I realised that the perception I had been carrying beforehand was that it might be hard going and so had prioritised something seemingly lighter like watching TV over reading.

It comes back to what James Clear and others have said about habits – you need to find a routine but also recognise the reward and benefits of doing them.

So how can I work on this?

I know I need to bottle the feeling of when I started my book and remember how it nourished my soul
I can be more creative about when and where I read, particularly when the rest of life is busy
I need to accept that there are some ebbs and flows in what I can do in busier period BUT I have a choice and, for me, it’s about listening to my heart and making more mindful choices

My own fulfilment suffered because I didn’t truly appreciate the rewards I would get from reading. So next time you are doing something and get in flow, think about how it makes you feel and write down that feeling. The more we keep those feelings front of mind, the easier it becomes to prioritise what makes us come alive and in turn, we can live a more fulfilled life.

Two Tribes

Sat, 26 Apr 2025 12:37:03 GMT

The saying goes “Find your tribe” and we do crave belonging and being part of a community. When I look at my university friends some of us bonded over music, others over being the one not picked for the sports team, others over our shared love or shared hate of something and quite a few over the fact that we couldn’t do a backward roll! It makes us come alive when we find some common ground and connect. With some friends, the reason we bonded is no longer a shared interest, but we have evolved and grown together and a common sense of being has kept the friendship alive.

Sometimes I think being part of a tribe can limit our horizons and opportunities to grow; the stories we tell ourselves plays a part in this. When I took up swimming, I thought I’d always be bad at it and slowly that story is evolving and yet I still don’t fully give myself credit for who I have become. I was recently on a long-distance swimming training week and despite walking in with imposter syndrome, I came away feeling fully part of a new tribe. The sense of a shared passion and interest, despite being at different stages of the journey, was incredible and opened my eyes to what might be holding me back. I came away realising it’s ok to be vulnerable and share fears but at the same time, I have to celebrate me today, not me 10 years ago.

We often hold on to those stories because it’s easier. If I let go off the “I’m rubbish at sport” story, I have nothing to hide behind and no excuses not to try and perform better. It can seem cosy and comfortable to stay in our current tribe but if we don’t push ourselves to explore, to try new things, we won’t grow and will never truly know what we’re capable of (or not capable of). We learn just as much from things not working out as from things that do.

We may find ourselves telling stories about the tribes we’re not part of to justify our exclusion, whilst deep down we might really quite like to join them. There are negative stories about most groups but if we look deeper, I am sure we would find some people to connect with. Sometimes we are looking for an excuse not to dip our toe in.

So let’s keep challenging who we are and who we want to become and rewrite those stories as often as we need to. Let’s find our tribe but why not seek out another one or two and two tribes don’t always have to go to war.

True colours

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 19:06:56 GMT

I recently completed my Insights Discovery accreditation. Insights Discovery is a psychometric tool which helps people understand themselves and understand others. We all have a unique mix of four colour energies with a preference for using certain colours. These colour energies are a filter for how we perceive the world and the people in it. It was a really inspiring four days and I love the use of colour energy to explore how we behave. As part of the accreditation, we looked at our own profile. Nothing surprised me about my mix of my colour energies but since completing the accreditation I have been more alive to how I adapt and connect and how I respond to others.

The realisation for me is that my ability to be open to other people’s styles is far greater when I feel comfortable in a situation. Take a work situation where someone gives feedback on a proposal – I have no problem with direct, no-nonsense feedback to evaluate something quickly and come to a swift conclusion. Compare this to my swimming lessons where I suffer from imposter syndrome. That direct feedback triggers my “I’m rubbish at sport” story and I feel inadequate. The same feedback needs to be given to me in a much more supportive way as it helps me to feel like I am making progress in a situation that I find difficult.

What does this tell me? We are all unique and we all have our unique mix of colour energies, and these give us a great indication of why we behave the way we do. But we also have to be present in the moment to be alive to other vital signals which may require us to adapt differently. What you need from me today may be very different from what you need from me tomorrow depending on the situation, emotions, past experiences, underlying stresses, to name but a few.

So do use the data you have wisely – it is a rich source of information and helps us to understand ourselves better and understand how we might better connect with those around us. But don’t forget to take every situation as it comes – be present, be in the moment, be curious and use everything you see, as only then can we truly form better connections.

Is there something I should know?

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 07:27:20 GMT

Does anyone else feel a sense of overwhelm about how much information we ‘should’ know. I am constantly walking into situations where I feel less knowledgeable about current affairs, the latest coaching trends, the latest music (we could delve into whether I am less knowledgeable or whether that’s in my head, but I think that is another blog!). Sometimes I find it difficult to know where to start.

I was heartened to hear a colleague tell me that she deleted a podcast recommendation from a friend – not because she wasn’t interested, in fact she thought it sounded fascinating, but because she knew that given everything else, she didn’t have the capacity to listen to it.

It’s taken me a long time to be ok with dipping into random episodes from a podcast series. The completist in me used to struggle with this but I realised that I was unlikely to ever get through every episode and, more importantly, not all episodes were of interest to me. What I consume needs to be serving me.

I notice that sometimes I embrace learning new things whole heartedly and other times I am more resistant – is that because it’s too hard, I’m fine as I am, I’m scared, I have no interest, or I’ve got distracted?

We owe it to ourselves to remain curious so what’s the answer in a world of information overload?

Think about how you find meaning, your values and what makes you come alive and which content can support that
Be more conscious about the information that you would like to consume. Where does your focus lie – is it current affairs, trends in your industry, purpose-driven, general knowledge or something to bring you joy? All of these are valid - it’s knowing what you want
Know yourself and how you best consume information. It took me a long time to realise that I consume complex issues better when it’s audio rather than written. I also value time away from screens so I still love a paper book as I engage with it differently
Think about which sources will be best for your information – in the case of something like current affairs, you may choose multiple sources to give you a balanced view
Schedule time and be more mindful about what you would like to do in that time. Endless scrolling can mean at the end of an hour we haven’t looked at anything intentional. If I see an interesting article, I make a note and save it for my scheduled time rather than feeling the pressure to read it immediately
I learnt a concept a few years ago about time being elastic – if you have an hour free before a meeting, you often perceive the first 30 minutes to be more productive than the second 30 minutes. Use what you know about the time you have and your energy levels to schedule accordingly
Remember that multi-tasking is a myth. If you are trying to focus on two things at once, one is probably suffering. Decide where your focus is at any one time
Be conscious about the harder stuff that you’d like to learn but that might take more coaxing. I know I need to understand AI more and I have been resistant because of the unknown. My solution is to ask a friend to help me rather than me searching online and feeling more overwhelmed on top of the fear
Sprinkle joy amongst the harder stuff – I love listening to comedy podcasts and new music.
If friends are talking about something you don’t know about, have the courage to ask them to tell you more – you might learn all you need over dinner, rather than spending that time being anxious and faking your knowledge
Remember that it’s ok to say no, even if something sounds brilliant. None of this should be at the detriment of your own wellbeing. Know your limits and know that you will have to make value choices about the information for you

Most of all remember that being curious and learning new stuff is really fun so let’s find a way to still love it rather than making it feel like a chore.

Would I change a thing?

Tue, 21 Jan 2025 10:40:11 GMT

It’s January and lots of you might be thinking about whether you have made the right resolutions for the year. I find the word resolution so cut and dried – it’s defined as “a firm decision to do or not to do something”. No wonder we feel a strong sense of failure when we don’t manage to keep up our resolutions.

Instead, I like to think about making intentions and forming healthy habits to help me get there. And it’s totally ok to change those habits to find a way that will fit comfortably with the rhythm of your life. The key is to be self-aware and know whether you are avoiding something slightly challenging or scary, or whether there is genuinely a good reason for changing that habit.

My intention for this year is to take on a big swim and to get there I have upped my training. Whilst I’m excited about the swim, I am also really scared and it triggers my old narrative of ‘I’m rubbish at sport’ and in turn, my embarrassment doing sport around other people.

Last week I found myself considering cancelling a swimming training session and I stopped to reflect and ask myself why? Did I need to change the time because of other important commitments or was it because I was fearing the session and looking for an excuse to cancel? I realised I was anxious about the session and there was no other good reason to cancel. I sat with the fear, I sat with the discomfort, and I thought about how good I would feel at the end of the session. More importantly for me, I reminded myself that I wouldn’t have even considered going to a session like this 3 years ago. I am swimming in higher circles than before and sometimes I don’t give myself credit for this.

The path to growth means we constantly put ourselves in discomfort, then get more comfortable and aim for the next big thing and face the discomfort again. We often forget how far we have come and don’t take the time to celebrate the successes along the way.

What did I learn from my session?

This is my session and no-one else’s. I have to set my own targets and be honest with myself afterwards about my successes and what I would like to work more on
I often have imposter syndrome and the fear that other people are judging me for being too slow. After the session I realised that I couldn’t remember a single thing about anyone else’s technique, so I doubt they can remember anything about me! Most people are concentrating on themselves in those situations
I always think I am the only one worried about something and yet whenever I share this, I realise that I am not alone. Being more vulnerable with others has helped me form stronger relationships and embrace my fears
Kindness is an important part of my life and yet I don’t always consider how harshly I am judging myself – talking to myself as I would support a friend helps me to encourage myself, celebrate how far I have come and know when to push myself more
I know that my habits work best when they are things I want to do rather than things I feel I have to do. I wanted to do this session, even if I did feel the fear, because I enjoy learning, getting fitter and the positive impact on my mental health
There will be discomfort but when I analysed it, I realised that most of that discomfort was my limiting beliefs rather than anything tangible stopping me doing it
I know I need flexibility, so I have picked sessions where I have flexibility each week to fit around my other commitments
I need to be self-aware and honest with myself about why a habit is not embedding itself successfully – Is it the wrong time? Am I really interested in doing this? Or is fear getting in the way?

And for me personally, I need to remind myself that every swim I have ever done has made me happier, stronger, braver and better equipped to conquer the world.

Left to my own devices

Wed, 18 Dec 2024 09:26:09 GMT

As we approach the end of the year, we find ourselves reflecting on the last 12 months. Personally, it has been a year with a lot of joy, particularly in terms of travel, and yet there has also been so much not knowing. I’m used to the not knowing but this has felt like a longer, more uncomfortable period. But here’s the thing, if we don’t go through those periods of discomfort and not knowing, we don’t open ourselves up to new opportunities and places to grow. I learnt this year that I have to sit with stuff longer, listen to my heart, try new things and remind myself that I don’t yet know the right path. Part of the journey is going through the rough bits. I knew that this needed to be a period of change and that requires the work to get there.

I am reminded of when I left university and didn’t fancy a job as a management consultant or accountant. In the 90s there seemed to be no other advice for economics graduates, but I knew there would be something out there that I would love. It was 2 years after graduating that I discovered the world of events – 2 years felt like a lifetime yet 25 years on, I still love it. It was worth the discomfort and exploring till I found something that made me come alive.

There is so much social pressure to do the job that you ‘should’ be doing, to live the life that follows a certain pattern and as a result, we don’t always take the time to explore what is right for us. Through these periods of growth, I’ve learnt that I need to be reflective, but I also need to surround myself with friends and activities that bring me joy. And while these periods of wintering can feel difficult, by sitting with it, by working through it, I have emerged feeling energised and more purposeful about the path ahead.

As you reflect on your year and look forward to 2025, have a think about:

What can I learn from the hard stuff that has happened
What can I celebrate
How can I hold my nerve when everyone around me seems to be living the perfect life (spoiler alert – they’re not!)
What do I need to flourish and come alive
Who in my life can support me on this journey without judgement and with love
How can I embrace uncertainty and stay open to the opportunities ahead

It is a running joke amongst my friends that I am always early for things. I always say this is because I find it stressful if I am late and it feels disrespectful. But there is another reason for leaving early – giving myself those minutes in the day creates unexpected moments and connections. By building flex in my day, I allow for that chat after swimming, to stop and admire nature, to have a fleeting chat with someone, to read an article that sparks a new idea, for the magic to happen. We are all left to our own devices and can feel pressure to take a certain path, but we can influence the route, try things out and create space to energetically connect and find out what makes us come alive.

I love this quote from Cory Allen “The more you can live the life that feels right, instead of the one you feel is expected from you, the happier you’ll be”.

Listen to your heart

Tue, 26 Nov 2024 10:59:48 GMT

I’ve just finished a course on Ikigai – the Japanese concept of your ‘reason for being’. It is the intersection of four areas - what you love to do (passion), what you are good at (skills), what the world needs (mission), and what you can be paid for (profession). I love this concept and yet I feel that lots of people think that finding it must be pipe dream. My experience was incredibly inspiring, showing me that we can all take steps towards it and I wanted to share my reflections.

Our inner critic is quick to come out but how often do we spend time thinking about what we are good at. Do take some time to understand yourself and the value that you bring. If you are prone to being modest, why not ask colleagues and friends what strengths they think you have
In our busy lives, we can be guilty of not being conscious with our decision-making. Having an Ikigai statement as a guiding principle can help us follow a fulfilling path. Even if we make decisions that are not fully in line with where we want to be, being conscious about them makes it easier to make peace with it
I learnt a lovely phrase ‘benevolent assertiveness’ – learning to say no to things kindly without feeling guilt or shame. I’m reminded of reading Sarah Knight’s “The life-changing magic of not giving a f**k” which taught me to pause before making decisions and check that I did things that were in line with my values and how I want to live my life
It reminded me that life is a constant balancing act and it’s ok that things can feel out of kilter but the more we can be aware of this, the easier it is to manage our emotions and our self-care
Through the process I have learnt what my non-negotiables are in terms of values. If I am triggered in a situation, it is often because my non-negotiables have been compromised and this helps me understand my reactions
There is always something I can do each day to move me towards living a more connected life – whether that’s breathing, swimming, connecting with a friend, coaching or journaling. The key is in how we embed those healthy habits. Some of my habits like swimming are so embedded, others are newer and taking time to bed in. It’s all about finding something that fits with your life
Our reason for being is constantly evolving, so take time to evaluate and see what’s important for you at any moment in time
Ultimately, think about what makes you come alive as you are likely to have the greatest impact

I love this quote from Howard Thurman which I live by, “ Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who come alive”

Feel the beat in the rhythm of your life

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:37:41 GMT

I’ve just come out of a busy few weeks of work. It is very easy in those times to wish away the days and weeks in search of a more balanced way of being. But life is rarely the balanced nirvana that we dream of. Whilst there were a few moments where I wished I had more hours in the day, I also noticed a few wonderful things about this period:

My wordle scores improved with a huge spate of 2s – perhaps there was something about me being in the zone and focussed and needing to get it done quickly!
I still managed to swim a lot. We say we are too busy to fit things in, but can often find time for the important stuff. Perhaps some of what we can’t fit in isn’t right for us?
I was more aware of what I needed each week to connect with myself and others. Being busy made me prioritise what I wanted and needed and that meant that those moments of connection were very meaningful
I scaled back social commitments to allow myself time to recharge but occasionally realised I needed that connection – this led to some impromptu meet ups and the joy in deciding to meet someone on the day is just lovely
I enjoyed the adrenalin rush and the sense of achievement – good stress can be a helpful thing in giving you the impetus to get things done
I was able to identify the areas of work where I particularly thrive. In moments of high stress, it is good to reflect on the things that are going well

Life is a constant journey and rarely quite goes the way we might expect so if we can welcome the waves, we might just find moments of energy, joy and clarity as we ride them.

Staying connected

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 08:40:27 GMT

I have recently returned from a wonderful time in New York with friends that I have known for 30 years. Because of our daily songlist and constant chat, I feel more connected to this group than ever before, despite our disparate locations of Ballarat, Glasgow, Paris and London.

And what made the trip so magical was that we could delve into deeper enriching conversations without having to waste time on catching up on what we’ve all been doing for the past few years.

It made me think about the challenges on building a culture in a hybrid world. A team might get together once a week and that time might be spent catching up and rebuilding the connection that is not there constantly. Or conversely everyone comes into the office and sits on Zoom calls all day so there isn’t much of an opportunity to connect with others.

How do we constantly connect to our colleagues and maintain that connection? There’s not a magic bullet and it’s different for everyone but there are some things that you can think about:

Think about touch points that you can create with colleagues, particularly those that don’t happen so naturally when people are working virtually. This could be drop in lunchtime open teams calls where people can say hello and chat or working with teams open so that you have colleagues to brainstorm with or use as a sounding board
Ensure that there are enough check-in points for people to see how they are, not just to go through their workload
Get to know colleagues and know their interests, hobbies so that you can connect on a personal level
Be vulnerable and share highs and lows with colleagues
Communicate more and particularly think about how you can support newer members of staff with their induction and learning. It can feel very daunting to have to constantly call your boss to ask questions on Teams so pre-empt this with more regular communication
Think about how you can get the most value from being in-person and ensure you schedule activities that will continue to build a strong culture
Above all, talk to people and find out the best way to support them and stay connected to them. We don’t have to be mind readers, but we do need to communicate, listen and show empathy to forge those stronger connections

Hard habit to break (or embed!)

Wed, 14 Aug 2024 09:39:51 GMT

Last week I was happily ticking off on my habit tracker how many times I had swum and yet again I had hit my target. If you’re like me, there is a dopamine hit from ticking something off and feeling a sense of accomplishment – I know I’m not the only one to add something to my list just so that I can tick it off! However, I realised that my habit tracker needs to evolve. Swimming has become part of who I am. It is more than a habit, it’s an essential part of my week and my whole being. The only time I don’t swim is if I am sick or away and not near water! There are other habits that I haven’t fully adopted and that’s where my energy needs to lie if I want to continue to grow.

It's easy to set up goals or habits and when we reach them, we plateau for a bit as we are happily achieving what we set out to do. I’m all for celebrating our successes and in fact we don’t celebrate enough. Yet I know that there are other habits that are proving more difficult for me, and I’m guilty of riding the wave of knowing I have swum and walked 10,000 steps to mask the fact that some other habits have fallen by the wayside.

I am trying to be more creative and to learn and grow as a coach. These two habits haven’t been as easy to embed perhaps because creativity can take many forms and it’s not as easy as deciding to swim in the morning. I’m also experimenting with what works for me. I know audio learning like podcasts suits me particularly when it’s something that I would like to absorb and reflect on. I am trying out different ways to incorporate this into my week and seeing which ones suit me, my lifestyle and can adapt depending on the week’s commitments. It’s not as satisfying as I’m not getting the satisfaction of ticking off every week, but I do learn something about what I’m enjoying or what is working for me and how I might want to adapt that going forward.

So we could stay in our comfort zone and feel smug about the things we are automatically doing for our mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health or we could think a little bit harder about where to devote our energy to move one step forward to living a life with purpose. Where will you put your energy this week?

A little more conversation

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 11:32:01 GMT

I’ve just read Do/Conversation by Robert Poynton. I was fascinated by the exploration of the complexity of conversation. He said “Conversation thrives on variety and no one does it quite like you. The aim isn’t to become good at conversation, it is to become good at being you, in conversation.” I LOVE this – so often we go into conversations with egos, agendas and feeling like we need to ‘win’ or be right. It can feel like a competition to get one up on the other person.

There’s an exercise I run in workshops, where in pairs, one person talks about a passion and the other person can only affirm or repeat back what they hear – they are not allowed to add to it or talk about themselves. Every time I do it myself, I realise how quick we are to turn things around to be about ourselves and our own experiences. We think we are adding value by giving our perspective but is that always the case? Sometimes friends / colleagues do want advice, but more often we could be more present, listen more attentively and give them our full attention. Noticing what is said can take a conversation somewhere you never dreamed of going.

I used to be the first person to speak up in a workshop because I wanted to fill the silence. It took me a long time to realise that silence is where the magic happens. To hold the silence can be so powerful and allows time to reflect, pause and formulate thoughts. Being more comfortable in that silence is very liberating.

I was also reminded in the book of the importance of connecting and conversing in different ways with different people depending on what the purpose of the conversation is. I have a WhatsApp group with 5 university friends that started as a holiday. Through lockdown it became our daily check-in where we share a song that brings us joy. For all of us, it has become an important daily ritual to know that someone is there thinking of us. I love it because it feels like a group of friends that live together – we drop in and out of chat particularly because of time zones. You don’t have to participate in the conversation but if you need someone, they will be there for you. With other friends, we rarely WhatsApp but then pick up the phone and chat for hours. And conversations with strangers in the park can lead to great friendships and holiday buddies – I know from my own lockdown experience!

It can feel daunting walking into a networking event or a party where you know no-one but embracing it and finding a way to connect with someone is a thing of beauty. Evidence suggests people are more open to random conversations than we anticipate – we just have to get over that initial moment of discomfort. And there are so many ways to do it. I remember being at a lunch where I was amazed how my colleague barely revealed anything about himself but fired a lot of questions at our lunch guest. If you are feeling nervous, the best thing you can do is listen, show interest and ask questions. I always come alive when someone is passionate about something, no matter what the subject matter.

Most of all, if you go into conversations with a generous mindset, there is always something lovely that can happen – maybe you can change the course of someone’s day for the better.

As Robert Poynton says “Conversation is a musical thing, like jazz or birdsong: more ‘call and response’ than question and answer. It enables us to travel great distances, but the joy is in the journey not the destination”

So how will you connect with someone today?

Comfortably numb

Rosanna@zebra.uk.net (Rosanna Machado) — Wed, 12 Jun 2024 16:09:58 GMT

I was recently telling someone that I have the fear every time I speak in public, and they were surprised to hear this. It’s something I know about myself and I also know that once I relax and get into it, I get a real buzz and enjoy myself. The difference between now and 10 years ago is that I am acknowledging those feelings and understanding they are part of who I am. Rather than pushing them away and pretending they don’t exist. I like to reframe my fear as evidence that I care, that I care about doing the best I can and having a positive impact. In Gestalt coaching, we talk about anxiety being suppressed excitement and I think it is just that!

We can stay in a zone of comfort but we would miss out on so much and just because there are difficult emotions, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. If we want to grow and be curious, we have to step into discomfort. As Susan David says, “Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings.” So we need to be with those feelings and work out what they’re telling us.

In my own journey of self-awareness, I am more aware of my feelings – I feel them deeply, see them as data and know that this is a natural part of life. I recall many years ago, I went to an induction at my local reservoir. We were asked if anyone was anxious and my hand went straight up whilst a room full of triathletes sat there looking unphased. I have retold this story several times, and everyone says to me, of course some of them were scared, they just didn’t want to admit it. In acknowledging my emotions, being vulnerable and admitting how I feel, it can feel isolating and scary but the more I do it, the more I invite others to be more open and vulnerable and the better the connection is. And what would life be without those amazing connections!

We could remain comfortably numb but we would miss out on the full richness of life. If we acknowledge what we are feeling, we can also think about what we can do to prepare ourselves, whether that is physical, mental or emotional preparation.

So how can we embrace those emotions more fully and ensure we still push ourselves

If I’m scared about something I love like an open water swim, it’s easy - I can imagine how amazing I will feel afterwards!
Sometimes it can be helpful to know which bit is causing us discomfort. With public speaking, I tend to ensure I know my opening well as then I relax into it and the rest just flows
I also think about what’s stopping me doing something and how I can counter that
Or maybe it is just plain scary but if you don’t give it a go, you’ll never know. What’s the worst that can happen
I find it helpful just to focus on myself and try to stop worrying about what others are thinking about me – most of us are with our own emotions so not interested in the other person!
Mostly I think about how I’d like to live my life and what makes me come alive and if this is moving me in the right direction, that I know I should give it a go

So what’s the one small step you can take today to be a bit braver and live life to the full?

Get Connected

Mon, 20 May 2024 10:06:24 GMT

I am in a period of change in my life and despite knowing that amazing things come from change, it can still feel unsettling. Last week I found myself flitting between activities because I didn’t know where to start – things felt a little overwhelming. What did I learn from this?

Multitasking does no one any favours! Constantly moving between tasks only meant that my brain was continually switching and nothing was getting done well. I took a moment to step back and focus on what was important to achieve that day. I’ve started to look at how I can carve out my day more effectively
I know from previous moments in my life that it can be difficult to stay motivated when you are in a new business phase. Tangible success takes time and for me that is the best way as it means I have built a meaningful relationship. However, I know that I thrive with some weekly targets, whether that’s networking, writing, proposals or updating my LinkedIn
Celebrate the good stuff – last week when I was wondering why I am trying to move into a different workspace, I had a lovely reminder from someone I mentored 12 years ago about the impact I have had on his life and career. It reminded me why I do what I do
Honour the emotions – I listened to myself and gave myself time and space to process the difficult emotions. I spent a long time in life, suppressing difficult emotions and in the last 7 years I have seen the value of sitting with those emotions and using them as data to learn and understand what I need in that moment
I had to remind myself that the reason I am moving into a different phase is because I want to live fully and in line with my values and purpose. I have looked at my values and purpose in the last few weeks and realised that what I do is all about Connection :

Connection is at the heart of everything I do – connection to myself, my purpose, those around me and the world. I connect with kindness, creativity, integrity and respect. When I fully connect, I come alive and have the greatest impact in what I do.

I help people connect to themselves, their purpose, their colleagues and their business as an Executive Coach, Consultant, Facilitator and Group Coach. I am particularly passionate about deepening self-awareness and improving emotional intelligence, which comes through in my blogs, speaking and workshops.

I help people connect creatively with their audiences through events. I have run complex events and projects for corporate, governmental and charitable organisations ensuring what we do is always connected with your aims and objectives. I thrive on building communities through managing senior and varied stakeholder groups, as well as mentoring and inspiring teams. I am responsible for running strategic, operational, financial and creative areas of the business and I am very comfortable troubleshooting challenges along the way.

I connect with my community by volunteering at WeSwim disabled swimming club, as a trustee at the Thames Festival Trust and a volunteer mentor for Creative Access.

I connect with myself through my swimming - I love it! I am a keen open water swimmer and encourage everyone to find their own time each week to pause and reset.

Connection is how and where I thrive.

And when I was feeling overwhelmed last week, I realised that the only thing I needed to do was to fully connect – with myself through swimming and writing, with my friends through nourishing chats and hugs and with my business through pursuing opportunities to work where I can help people live with a greater purpose. It’s not rocket science yet in our busy lives, we often forget how to get back in tune with ourselves.

Time of your life

Tue, 16 Apr 2024 12:22:41 GMT

I recently had the privilege of a 3-week holiday, something I had not done for a long time. I always thought that my preferred formula for holidays was little and often. Yet I was blown away by the difference that a 3-week holiday made. It was transformational and I felt like I entered a completely new way of life. There was a sense of awe in discovering a new country and a new culture, there was daily joy and laugher and more meaningful conversations and opportunities to explore what was really on my mind.

I know we don’t often have the luxury of that much time out but how can we create those moments in our daily lives? How do we create time and space to think, feel, breathe and open our eyes to the possibilities in front of us. I never feel like there are enough hours in the day and then I am starkly reminded of the fact that the average person spends 3 hours 15 minutes on their phone each day. Is there a way that we can be more meaningful with our time?

Think about your overall goals for the day or the week. It is very easy to get bogged down in a huge to do list without stepping back and looking at your bigger goals. Do you want to reconnect with an old friend or spend more time outside or think about your next career step?
Are you saying no to things that don’t serve you? I used to pride myself on responding quickly to invitations and my only check was whether I was free on that day. Now I think about my energy levels, what else I might have going on that week, whether I have swum enough and whether there are other priorities for the week that are more important to me at that moment.
Are you creating enough time to sit and think and be at one with yourself? In a world where we have so much to do, it often feels like a luxury to sit and do nothing yet by doing just that, we can open up new thinking and possibilities.
How can you embed habits to create that space in your week – my new intention is to try writing for 10 minutes post-swim when I am feeling energised.

I realised that a holiday was the perfect excuse to do nothing – I had permission to slow down and experience the awe and joy around me which was so invigorating. We need to be self-compassionate and give ourselves permission each week to do just this. Since coming back, I’ve realised that I have a good self-care routine, but I don’t create enough dream and thinking time. I wonder why I’m not being more creative and then realise I am trying to cram my creativity into a 5-minute slot in my diary! So the invitation today is to think about how you can build a habit to connect with yourself fully – to think, to dream, to wonder, to create.

My coaching supervisor Kay recently quoted Parker Palmer and I think this is beautifully apt

"The human soul doesn't want to be fixed, it simply wants to be seen and heard. The soul is like a wild animal - tough, resilient and shy. When we go crashing through the woods shouting for it to come out so we can help it, the soul will stay in hiding. But if we are willing to sit quietly and wait for a while, the soul may show itself".

10 things I love about me

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 13:59:06 GMT

It’s International Women’s Day this week and I do believe we can all support each other and value and celebrate our differences. I also think that sometimes we are self-defeating and don’t celebrate our own successes. We often speak more harshly to ourselves than we would if supporting a friend. There are many parts of me that I may criticise but most of them actually have a very positive aspect and make me me. So today I’m celebrating 10 things I haven’t always realised I love about me.

1.. I feel emotions deeply and get upset when friendships don’t work out. I used to be hard on myself about this and wonder why I couldn’t ‘just get over things’. But now I realise that by being open and vulnerable, I do feel things deeply yet on the flip side it leads to the most amazing connections. I can’t have one without the other and it is definitely worth it for those wonderful connections in my life.

2.. I am beyond ridiculous about being on time for everything. I now realise that this is linked to my number one value of respect. I hate being late because to me it feels disrespectful so it’s not because I’m a geek (well maybe that as well!) but it is to do with something hugely important to me. I think about how I can usefully spend those 15 minutes in reception more meaningfully as I do not want to change this about me.

3.. By being a giver in life, some people can take advantage. But being a giver brings me such joy and it’s a big part of who I am. I’ve learnt to say no sooner when things aren’t right, and I also know that my true friends give back in bounds.

4.. I still have a lot of fears around doing sport, but I’ve learnt through my swimming journey that I am very tenacious and resilient and push myself into my discomfort zone. The journey with sport has helped me conquer limiting beliefs in other areas of my life.

5.. I get really nervous before public speaking. Well doesn’t everyone? I like to think of it as a sign that I care – with the right amount of preparation, those nerves can be channelled for good. And guess what, I always enjoy it when I get going, so I’ve learnt to remind myself of that feeling and remember that the anticipation is often much worse than the thing itself.

6.. I find it hard to let things go if I know it can be done better. I see this as a sign of wanting to do the best and I’ve learnt to channel it into coaching questions for the team as well as challenging myself about whether I do actually know best. I know this can be for the greater good if my ego is in check.

7.. I find it hard not to organise things if they are a bit chaotic – is that interfering or is that helping out?! I have learnt not to fight my natural tendencies but to check that people would appreciate the help. I have also learnt that sometimes I have to step away.

8.. I don’t like confrontation and yet I often have difficult conversation at work. This has been excellent for me to find my own assertive way of having effective difficult conversations that suit my personality type. I don’t shy away from conflict, but I know I need to find a respectful empathetic way of having the conversation.

9.. I am often the person that people open up to and for years this stopped me opening up myself as I thought it would be sign of weakness. In recent years, I’ve become much more comfortable talking about difficult emotions and believe this vulnerability has deepened my relationships.

10.. I love a chat with a stranger wherever I go. When I was younger, I used to be so embarrassed when my Mum did this, so it makes me smile that I have become her ��

What are your strengths? Perhaps you considered some of them a weakness and didn’t appreciate the full beauty of who you are. So this week, I’m encouraging you to embrace all of who you are and celebrate your strengths and successes. As Arnold Beisser said, “Change occurs when one becomes what she is, not when she tries to become what she is not.”

Stuck on you

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 09:14:28 GMT

The other morning, I was stuck on wordle. It’s a morning ritual that I have with a couple of friends – we’re all early birds, doing wordle first thing and sharing our stats in a WhatsApp group. I was staring at the screen and couldn’t see the word and not completing was not an option – we claim to be supportive of each other and yet there is fierce competition, and we love to be congratulated by the others if we get it in 2! I had to leave it and went for my morning swim and the moment I came out of the pool, I solved it! So often in life we are struggling, and we keep on going, without thinking about how to approach it with a fresh perspective. I have so much more clarity after swimming that it helps me solve lots of things in my life.

I am currently looking at exploring various new work avenues. At times, this can become overwhelming - what do I do to move myself on? And yet the answer is often staring me in the face. In order to come alive, to find some clarity I need to be at my best – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Exploring new work avenues, does require soul searching but for me, I also need to talk to people, network, try things and see what works for me and prioritise my self-care routine. At moments of stress or busyness, we often let our self-care routine slip when we need it the most.

It is the same with dealing with difficult emotions, I do need to spend the time exploring what’s going on for me and yet often I also need to prioritise doing something I love and finding something where I know I will come alive.

We often feel pressure to persevere when we are struggling to complete a difficult task. Walking away can feel like a failure, like giving up yet walking away and doing something different may be the very thing you need to help you solve it. Think about Murder She Wrote – her moment of clarity always seems to come when she is thinking about something else!

So next time you are stuck, think about what you could do to get yourself in flow, think about what you need to prioritise to be mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally fit. And know that doing this will lead you on the path to unstuckness.

If it's good enough for you...

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 12:02:20 GMT

One of the many things I love about swimming is it’s a leveller – you are literally stripped down, which makes it easier to connect with people. There are fewer cues about social status and usually the first connection is very much an in-the-moment shared experience of joy after swimming. Invariably that first connection leads to a wonderful conversation about the ups and downs of life – I have met some incredible people on my swimming journey, who have become lifelong friends. Interestingly what you do for a living is not the priority, in fact I have spoken to people for weeks before I discover what they do. How refreshing!! Connecting with people because of a shared moment, shared interest, shared joy, and from that strong friendships emerge.

Why is the rest of life so different? When we meet people in other situations, we can feel judged by a job that isn’t good enough, not wearing the right clothes, not having the right car. So much of what we do can feel like we are performing because we feel we ought to. Social norms and living up to other people’s expectations is draining and isn’t necessarily leading us to the life we want.

And we are all guilty of it – we automatically ask people what they do as it feels like an easy ice breaker. Perhaps we should replace that with, what do you love to do (cue a monologue from me on the joys of swimming!!)

So today I encourage you all to connect with people in the moment, find a shared experience, a moment of joy, suspend all judgement and know that if it’s good enough for you, then you are moving in the right direction.

Into the groove

Tue, 12 Dec 2023 14:06:52 GMT

Hello LinkedIn – It’s been a few months since I’ve written, and I have been asking myself why? Admittedly September, October and November have been super busy months, but how have I consistently swum four times a week throughout that period and yet I haven’t managed to write a blog a month?

I’ve noticed the tension I’m feeling between just being or seeing where the world takes me versus embedding daily and weekly habits. I’m actually a fan of both, but sometimes the mix of the two tips out of balance for what I want to achieve. My swimming habit took a few years to embed – there were many mornings where I would have rather stayed in bed! And yet now I don’t regard it as a habit. I think of it as a way of being and a way of connecting with myself. I don’t have to persuade myself to go swimming as I know the outcome will be amazing. Yet this would not have occurred without me setting myself a swimming habit and finding a time of day where I could make it work with other commitments.

As I transition to new things in my life like writing, I’ve realised that embedding the habit helps me to focus the mind and experiment with what does and doesn’t work for me.

I am a firm believer in allowing the magic to happen but for that to occur, you do need to create the right environment, the right situations and connect with the right people. Habits help to put you in these situations. And habits can allow for flexibility and creativity – my lightbulb moment of deciding my swimming days on a weekly basis has allowed me to be spontaneous and creative and fit the swimming around this.

My writing hasn’t happened because I was very kind to myself during a busy period. I write a lot about self-compassion and self-care as I think this is so important, but sometimes our busyness can become an excuse not to move forward. Sometimes it takes a bit of an extra push, embedding a new habit, forcing ourselves to focus, for the new task to find its way into your life regularly.

I’m getting back into the groove with my writing, but I know I need to prioritise it more and experiment with habits to create the right time, environment, and stimulus for me to write. I would like to embed the habit more fully until it becomes part of who I am. So what small step or habit will you take to move towards your purpose and happiness? How can you embed habits that will allow the magic to happen?

Dream a little dream

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 12:42:35 GMT

As the Summer draws to a close, I can feel the sense of busyness ramping up. When did being busy become such a badge of honour? In lockdown, with the imposed restraints, we were forced to slow down, pause and enjoy the moment more. I certainly found that without work, I was finding more moments of joy and creativity in the everyday and as a result my work and life choices changed course for the better.

I was talking to someone last week about wanting to develop a few new work ideas. I could sense my frustration as I felt that I wasn’t dedicating enough time to developing the ideas. She asked me, “Have you got enough stillness in your life?” Time where you can pause, do nothing and dream. And it is in those moments that things crystallise, you get into flow and the world can take you in a weird and wonderful direction. Ironically when we want to do more, we need to slow down and give ourselves space to dream, to pause, to think. It’s the same as we try and conquer our endless to do lists – are we actually taking time to reflect on what is important and where we should put our energy?

In a world where we have so much choice and try to cram so much into our lives, are you building in your dream time? Moments to be still, at one with yourself and where you can dream without judgement. In order to keep growing and learning, we need to allow ourselves time to dream, to open ourselves up to creativity, to take risks and follow our heart. The more we connect with ourselves in that stillness, the more opportunities will come our way.

These dreams

Tue, 25 Jul 2023 15:08:24 GMT

On a recent 5km swim, I noticed that I told people that I was hoping I would swim in a certain time and yet I had a higher personal goal in my own head, which I chose not to share with others. In a world where we are told to make ourselves accountable and share our goals with a buddy, I was interested to notice that I did not do this.

I had lost a lot of fitness last year whilst grieving and working on a demanding job. When I shared with people that I wanted to get my fitness back, they were so kind about why I had lost my fitness, that they were almost too lenient! All I wanted was for them to support me in getting my fitness back! When people share their goals and dreams with us, are we being supportive without judgement? It is so difficult not to share our own experiences or to suggest what we think they should be doing. And yet dreams are personal and our role as a friend or mentor, is to support in whatever way is helpful.

On reflection, I realise I don’t share a lot of my weekly / monthly goals with others as I like to evaluate and shape them in my own way and I am the only one that knows what else might be changing for me each month – work commitments, energy levels, other priorities. I’m not saying an accountability buddy isn’t helpful, but I think you should be clear about how your buddy can best support you – is it that you want a buddy to go for a run with, or someone to check in with you at the beginning and end of each week, or simply someone to be your weekly cheerleader. Don’t be afraid to articulate how your buddy can support you.

On the flipside, if you are supporting someone with their goals, do ask them what they need and how you can best support them. I know we all think we know best but maybe we don’t and what works for us might not be right for the other person. Listen, be supportive and approach it with an open heart.

Do I like to move it move it?

Thu, 22 Jun 2023 14:02:19 GMT

I am about to move house after over 20 years. A couple of weeks ago, I realised how much stress it was causing me – the uncertainty, the worry that it might not happen, the enormity of a move, the emotional attachment to my house, the memories and not being able to tell my Mum about it. And yet there was a little voice saying to me, I don’t know why you are getting stressed, you have someone to help with the packing, what’s all the fuss about?

We can’t help the way we feel and there is no point pushing it away or pretending it is not there as evidence suggests that the feeling will just escalate if it is not acknowledged. And of course, when I did mention it to friends, no-one was surprised that I was feeling stressed and thought it was an entirely natural feeling.

Our emotions are our emotions and they are data – the most helpful thing we can do is to acknowledge how we feel
Be aware of everything that is going on for you – my practical head was telling me the move was under control, but I was underestimating the emotional side
Sometimes we feel bad because we know others have a lot more to contend with – it’s not a competition and all feelings are valid
Show yourself compassion
Often what I need is right in front of me, yet I can be reticent to ask for help. In this instance, I reached out to a friend and asked them if they could help me with the move. Of course, they didn’t hesitate, and immediately I felt a weight lifted from me. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Life is about giving and taking.
Give yourself time and space to process and ensure you are getting enough nourishment in your life

Life is full of challenges and the more we get comfortable with them, the more we acknowledge the emotions and learn what we need, the more we can swim happily in those stormy waters.

Celebrate good times

Tue, 30 May 2023 13:16:19 GMT

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself in France embarking on an intense three-day swimming camp. Most of you will know about my journey with sport - it hasn’t been easy. I didn’t thrive at sport at school and thinking I am rubbish at sport is a limiting belief that I have worked on, but sometimes it still rears its ugly head. I found myself petrified about this swimming camp – worried I would look stupid, worried I wasn’t going to be able to do it and worried I was going to have to face some fears. I barely understand swimming drills in English, let alone trying to understand them in French!

I have talked a lot in the past about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, stretching yourself so that you can continue to learn and grow. But I want to talk about something else today.

Whilst worrying about my swimming camp, I sat and reflected and realised that 2 years ago I wouldn’t have even contemplated signing up for something like this as I would have found it way too daunting. And yet this time, I signed up (somewhat whimsically) and despite all my fears, I knew I was going to throw myself into it. My starting point for considering the camp was so much higher than two years ago – I had progressed a lot and yet in that moment of fear, I didn’t give myself the credit I deserved.

We spend a lot of time in work and life, constantly pushing ourselves and improving which is fantastic but often we don’t pause, reflect and celebrate how far we have come. So next time you conquer a fear, push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone, do take a moment:

Pause and take a breath
Celebrate your achievement
Tell a friend about it – someone else is far more likely to give you the kudos you deserve!
Reflect on how far you have come
Understand what you have learnt about yourself
Rewrite your story based on the new you

We can always do more, learn more, grow more but don’t forget to enjoy the journey.

Dancing in the dark

Tue, 16 May 2023 09:08:29 GMT

I was listening to Susan David this week talking about handling difficult times in our lives. Something she said really resonated with me, “So much of wellbeing is not about grasping for the light, it’s about learning to see in the dark.” We spend a lot of time thinking our lives will be better once this tough week is out of the way, once we have moved house, yet our lives are constantly changing, and wouldn’t it be great to find a way to make peace with the ever-evolving journey?

This week is Mental Health Awareness week and this year’s theme is anxiety. Anxiety is something we all experience yet I have been guilty in the past of not acknowledging those difficult feelings. Managing and accepting difficult emotions only came to me in 2017. Before that I thought it was better to push those emotions away and be the positive upbeat person which is the story and the role that I had created for myself. But doing that was not accepting all of me and since then I have learnt that it is far healthier to be curious about how I am feeling, be vulnerable and show myself more compassion. I thought it would be a sign of weakness to talk about when I am not ok and in fact it is the complete opposite – I build stronger connections more quickly by showing some vulnerability.

Last week I was anxious about lots of things. I could tell that in the busyness of the week, I didn’t take the time I needed to really understand what was causing the anxiety and think about what would be helpful for me. The first question my friend asked when I spoke to her was, “Have you swum?”

I certainly believe that being mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally fit allows me to function better in all areas of my life. It is not a luxury, it is the path to fulfilment and being effective in everything we do. So next time you are facing tough times, have a think about:

Have I taken the time to sit with my emotions? Am I curious, non-judgmental and do I know what they are telling me?
What will work for me in these tough times? What would be helpful? For me it is swimming, journalling, walking and chatting to friends
How can I grow and learn from this experience?
Don’t let self-care get neglected when you need it the most. When work gets busy, we may think it would be better to start work earlier and forego our exercise, but that exercise will probably make us twice as efficient, so it is a false economy

Life is a constantly flowing river, and we won’t ever reach a point of perfection so why don’t we learn to dance in the dark.

Who Are You?

Fri, 14 Apr 2023 15:26:31 GMT

When I was studying for my coaching diploma, our assignment was the question, ‘Who are you and how do you coach?’ I found this a very uplifting assignment – it was an opportunity for me to explore my values, what’s important to me and how I want to live my life.

When we meet people for the first time, we often open with “What do you do?” I know that this is accompanied by a genuine interest but a job is only a small part of who we are. And for those who are not working, choosing to have time out, looking for work, you can be made to feel like you are not important because you are being defined by a job alone.

I have noticed in the past couple of years that I bring more of myself to everything I do. All my clients know that I swim and hear about it whether they want to or not! I chose to tell a client why I was out of the office for very personal reasons, as I wanted them to know what I needed to focus on at that moment in time. I talk about my interest in using awareness, empathy and creativity expression as this touches everything I do in my life.

So when you are meeting new people, why not think about how you could engage more deeply with them. Questions might be:

What are you passionate about?
What makes you come alive?
What’s your favourite hobby when you want to chill out?
What are your values?
Have you listened to any good podcasts recently?
If you didn’t have to earn money, what would your dream week look like?

And if that sounds too full on for an opening question, why not ask someone how they are and take a full interest in listening and supporting their response.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 15:26:00 GMT

How do you feel about change in your life? Change has not always been an intentional choice in my life, and yet some amazing things have come from it. I left my first job in events to look for another one with no intention of working for myself. Six months into the job hunt, the sense of freedom and authenticity from working for myself drew me down a different wonderful path. In 2020, my cancelled work in lockdown, allowed me to fully focus and embrace my coaching diploma and was also a chance to re-engage with my creative side. Neither of these were conscious decisions but once I allowed the change to take place and embraced it, I found some amazing things emerged. Over the past few years, I have been trying to consciously seek out change and uncertainty to continue to grow and be curious.

Many of us often fear change. It requires us to step away from the familiarity and comfort zone, and that can feel daunting. Sometimes letting go of something may be associated with a sense of failure. But the truth is life doesn’t fit neatly into a box – it is constantly flowing, throwing curved balls at us and if we can accept that and embrace it with curiosity, then change can be very energising and an opportunity to grow and evolve.

So how can we frame change in a healthier way?

Adopt a growth mindset and look at everything that comes your way as an opportunity to learn and grow
Everything is an offer – whilst change may be forced upon us, if we look up and remain fully present, there is nearly always something positive that we can take from the situation
Think about your story and where you want to be – embrace change that can take you on that journey. It is your journey, and no-one else’s so try not to worry about what others think
Know what is important to you, in terms of your values as this can act as your guiding light when navigating a journey of change
Be open to what comes your way – be aware, awake and alive to the opportunities
Identify those brief moments of discomfort along the way, and think about how you might be able to handle them
Surround yourself with the right support network who will challenge and support you in a safe environment

My experience is that when going through change, it is easier to talk to new people as they have no pre-conceived ideas of what you should or shouldn’t be doing. So how can we support our friends and colleagues better on their journey of change?

Be open with your questioning
Don’t make assumptions about what someone should or shouldn’t be doing
Be curious, supportive and non-judgemental

I am reminded of my favourite quote about Active listening from Jack Zenger:

“Good listeners are like trampolines: You can bounce ideas off them, and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, they energise and clarify your thinking. They make you feel better not by merely passively absorbing but by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and height like a trampoline.”

It ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it

Tue, 14 Feb 2023 11:05:00 GMT

I always used to say that I hate conflict. Conflict is defined as ‘a serious disagreement or argument’. In fact, I still hate conflict, yet I have become much more comfortable with having difficult conversations. It still feels as if many people avoid disagreements within the workplace, yet if we want to open our minds and learn from the diversity around us, is there a healthier way to reframe these conversations?

When I started my career, clients felt like superior beings, to be feared and certainly to avoid disputes at all costs. At the same time, I was being told that ‘I needed to be more aggressive’. Aggression has never been my way and I believe there are ways to be assertive without being aggressive. As a result, I wasn’t relaxed in these interactions, I was trying to be someone that wasn’t me and the interactions were inauthentic.

When I reflect on 2022, I spent 80% of my time having difficult conversations and I was the most comfortable I have ever been. For me, showing empathy and staying true to my value of respect, has made these conversations much easier and sometimes even enjoyable. I’ve been more self-aware and able to de-personalise the challenge from the people debating it. And in these situations, I have learnt to listen more, understand what is really going on for the other person and be open to their point of view. Can I address their concerns or at the very least acknowledge and appreciate their concerns?

So how can you find your authentic voice in debate? Next time you are entering a tricky conversation, think about your core values, how you can listen more and be open to what you hear. You never know, the other person might just have a good point!

Meet Rosanna

Thu, 26 Jan 2023 15:12:00 GMT

It was a joy to meet the Usual Objections gang and to talk about all things swimming!

https://usualobjections.com/blogs/stories/meet-rosanna

Go your own way

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 09:34:00 GMT

There is a beautiful quote in the book ‘Leonard and Hungry Paul’ by Rónán Hession, after Leonard loses his Mum.

“But once life had changed, once the people in your life started slipping away from you, as inevitably happens, the north, south, east and west all moved from their fixed points on the compass. You are left bereft, with a choice of whether to enter the world, with all the risks that entails, or retreating from it.”

It is so true that people, routine, habits, values anchor us in our everyday life but how many of those points should be anchored so rigidly? I am reminded again of the 2014 tube strike where commuters were forced to find new routes to work. Surprisingly, a study by the economists Ferdinand Rauch, Shaun Larcom and Tim Willems showed that after the strike, one in 20 people stuck to their new route. Familiarity can be very comforting and yet it can also be limiting as we live within fixed points. And it doesn’t allow for the fact that lots of things are out of our control – we will be thrown off course in our lives and this is part of life’s journey.

Perhaps the trick is to look at things differently and get the balance of both: which are the non-negotiable points on my compass where I won’t waver and where is there opportunity for me to take risks and step into an unknown direction.

For me my top values and elements of my self-care routine are important to me and will always be part of my journey. I always thought I was a control freak yet over recent years I have learnt to get more comfortable with change and uncertainty and see each moment as an opportunity to learn, grow and discover more about myself.

So as you go into the New Year and think about the year ahead, have a think the fixed points of your compass and where you can be more open to where the world takes you.

And if you haven’t read Leonard and Hungry Paul, I thoroughly recommend it. It is a life-affirming story of two men paving their own beautiful path in the world.

Culture Club

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 08:48:00 GMT

It’s a natural feeling to crave a sense of belonging – I’m sure we’ve all felt it but what does it mean? Culture and cult are separated by just three letters and yet they are perceived very differently. Cult often has negative connotations around a group slightly under duress whereas a good culture is highly sought after as it usually leads to a happier and more productive company. So how do we ensure we stay on the right side of culture?

Culture is not about creating clones of ourselves and wanting people to think, act and behave in the same way. We are often drawn to like-minded people – this may be conscious or unconscious and yet if we really want our company or community to thrive, we need diversity. I like to think of culture as curating a set of values for people to adopt and then play out in their own styles. It is rare that we make the most of the differences within our team and yet to get the best out of a team, we should celebrate and capitalise on what each person brings to the table. We need to bring those values to life for the team so that everyone is on the journey. I realise in the past I have lived values but not articulated them clearly – something I know I will be sure to do in the future.

So when you are thinking about the kind of culture that you want to create, think about the values that are important, how you can embrace individualism within the team, how you can cultivate that sense of belonging whilst also giving people the freedom to create their own identity, to learn, to grow, to thrive and to fly. Most companies want everyone moving in the same direction but that doesn’t mean we have to take the same route.

Swing Low

Thu, 18 Aug 2022 09:54:00 GMT

Hello LinkedIn – it’s been a while! After two years of writing blogs consistently, and really enjoying it, the last seven months haven’t gone according to plan. It has been an incredibly intense year of highs and lows – losing my beautiful Mum unexpectedly whilst running the amazing Platinum Pageant. I know that I need to cut myself some slack but it is easier said than done.

Over recent years, I have struck a good balance of rules and habits to keep me mentally, physically, and spiritually fit, as well as the ability to embrace uncertainty and adapt to the ever-changing world. However last week, I discovered in my coaching supervision that I am not good at coping with low bandwidth. I am used to fitting so much into my life that recently I have felt frustrated that I am not writing more, coaching more, seeing friends more. As a keen practitioner of the Gestalt coaching method, my supervisor invited me to sit with my low bandwidth and inhabit the space. What did I discover?

I am judging myself harshly when no one else is. I often talk about being an emotional scientist and embracing all emotions without judgment and yet I find I am being tougher on myself than I would treat others. A lot of my goals are self-imposed and are easy to adapt – the world won’t end if I don’t post a blog!
I am achieving more than I give myself credit for so stopping and reflecting and celebrating the wins can bring a lot of joy
Verbalising or writing down what’s on my mind is helpful to capture it, give it perspective, explore it and allow me to park it, if it’s not for now
In a time of low bandwidth, there are still things that are non-negotiable, but I may need to adapt. For me a short swim is better than no swim

In our busy lives, if we can all take a moment to slow down, breathe and reflect, we can put things in perspective, listen to our body, understand our energy levels and decide where to put our focus.

Walking into your fears

Tue, 10 May 2022 11:41:00 GMT

know when I am worried about something as it invariably starts with butterflies in my stomach. For years, I used to push this away thinking I’ll project my happy self, and everything will be ok.

In recent years I have become a great advocate of emotional agility and embracing all emotions as data. And we may not always remember this, but we do have a choice about how we react to our emotions. There is a wonderful quote from Viktor Frankl, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

When emotions are difficult, we may suppress our emotions, trying to avoid an emotional outburst – not only does this disrupt our breathing but it is also proven that those emotions then manifest themselves more strongly within us.

In fact, if we can embrace the emotion, allow it to flow, process what it is trying to tell us, we can learn and grow. There is so much in our life that we cannot control and when we realise this and choose our reactions, we can live with more awareness and freedom. I like to think of difficult emotions as a sign that I care about something and it is a case of using that and channelling it in a helpful way.

So next time you feel a difficult emotion coming on:

Pause and take a breath
Sit and observe your emotions without judgement, without reaction
Think about what that emotion is trying to tell you
Understand what strategies may help you in that situation
Stick to your self-care routine even more when you are facing difficult emotions
Actively choose your response
Be conscious of your breathing

Embracing all our emotions can seem tough yet by understanding ourselves fully we can learn and grow and live a more fulfilled life.

Take on me

Tue, 19 Apr 2022 08:10:00 GMT

“Friendship isn’t only what you can give, it’s what you’re able to receive” This quote from Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant really struck a chord with me as I have had a tough few weeks after unexpectedly losing my Mum in March.

Whilst I know I am only on the start of the journey of grief and don’t pretend to know the answers, I have discovered that out of great loss comes incredible moments of love and light. I have been overwhelmed by the kindness from good friends to street cleaners to my fellow swimmers. I have learnt that in these challenging times, it’s important to take what you need from others and stop worrying about whether you are giving back enough or even anything. The important people in your life are there to support you unconditionally.

So how do we continue to build our resilience in difficult times. I have learnt to:

Take all the support that is on offer and not be afraid to ask for help. Vulnerability is a sign of great strength and self-awareness
Keep people close
Find an outlet for what you are experiencing – it could be journaling, talking to friends or a creative outlet
Look for nourishment – it will be no surprise to you that I have swum even more than usual. Swimming has given me a morning ritual, a place of solace and a supportive community
Celebrate the wonderful memories. Every day I discover how much I have inherited from my Mum from talking to anyone to some of my core values
Be thankful for what you have each day
Look up and find the joy and laughter
Be kind to yourself and non-judgemental about the emotions that you are feeling

Dealing with life’s challenges is a different journey for each of us. The more we open ourselves up and accept what we are feeling, the more we can and find ways to grow, thrive and find moments of joy.

One Direction

Tue, 08 Feb 2022 18:54:00 GMT

I remember once wanting to let something go at work because it would cause more work for everyone and thinking to myself that I wish I didn’t care so much. That really wasn’t true. My values are what guide me each day and make me who I am. I love Susan David’s quote “Your core values provide the compass that keeps you moving in the right direction”.

Whilst we all have values, we don’t always consciously know what they are or understand the impact that they are having on our behaviour. Often difficult situations or emotions are due to something clashing with our own values and the more we understand that, the more we can choose how respond to the situation. My lightbulb moment of realising my stress about being late was due to it feeling disrespectful means I understand why I am experiencing those emotions and I can work out how I can react and ensure that respect is still front of mind.

In certain work situations, there may be a clash of values and understanding this can help to unlock what’s going on. As a manager, communicating what’s important to you from those that work for you can help to move the team in the same direction. You may even find that there are clashes between your own values.

I’m not going to claim your values won’t be challenged, however to feel listened to and part of the conversation may go a long way to helping you resolve the situation.

How can you identify your values?

What’s important to you?
What do you want to stand for in life?
How do you want to treat others?
What behaviour do you not like seeing in yourself or others? The opposite may well be a value that is important to you.

How can you live by your values?

Think about what your values mean for how you’d like to live your life
Notice situations where your values are being compromised
Ask others what’s important to them to build empathy
Use your values to anchor yourself when you choose how to respond to difficult emotions

If we want to live a fulfilled life, a greater awareness of our values and how we can live by them will keep us moving in the right direction, perhaps with a few bumps along the way.

I can’t wait

Tue, 18 Jan 2022 11:06:00 GMT

I am fairly in tune with my emotions and whilst, this is a great thing, occasionally those difficult emotions can feel overwhelming. Take, for example, feeling anxious before a big open water swim, before any public speaking or before going to a party where I don’t know anyone. I’m sure I am not alone, and this has also been a theme in my coaching sessions. I have found that the anticipation is often much worse than the actual event in question!

Whilst we cannot predict the future, we can delve a bit deeper in what’s going on for us in that period of anticipation. We may be nervous because we want it to go well or anxious about looking stupid in front of others or simply wanting something difficult to be over and done with.

What can we do to process those feelings?

Try to understand the root cause of your emotions
Take a realistic view of your current situation and celebrate your strengths
Understand what preparation will put you in a good place
Identify those brief moments of discomfort and think about how you might be able to handle them
Explore any old narratives that may be creeping in – one bad presentation does not equal I am terrible at public speaking
Learn from past experiences – what have you done in the past to help you prepare
Be ok with the uncertainty and prepare to improvise
Accept that some nervousness, anxiety or fear is likely to be present. I think of it as a sign that I care. Adopt your coping strategies for these emotions
Reframe the nervous energy into excitement (probably still with a bit of fear if you are anything like me!)
Try not to catastrophise about every possible outcome
Think about how you can relax
Remember that it is about doing your best in the situation – many factors that determine whether something is a ‘success’ or ‘failure’ may be out of our control
Every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow

A healthy dose of preparation before a big event is useful, but equally we can’t predict the future so a big part of it is about being present and ready to deal with whatever comes our way.

What can we do to process those feelings?

Try to understand the root cause of your emotions
Take a realistic view of your current situation and celebrate your strengths
Understand what preparation will put you in a good place
Identify those brief moments of discomfort and think about how you might be able to handle them
Explore any old narratives that may be creeping in – one bad presentation does not equal I am terrible at public speaking
Learn from past experiences – what have you done in the past to help you prepare
Be ok with the uncertainty and prepare to improvise
Accept that some nervousness, anxiety or fear is likely to be present. I think of it as a sign that I care. Adopt your coping strategies for these emotions
Reframe the nervous energy into excitement (probably still with a bit of fear if you are anything like me!)
Try not to catastrophise about every possible outcome
Think about how you can relax
Remember that it is about doing your best in the situation – many factors that determine whether something is a ‘success’ or ‘failure’ may be out of our control
Every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow

A healthy dose of preparation before a big event is useful, but equally we can’t predict the future so a big part of it is about being present and ready to deal with whatever comes our way.

Wind of change

Thu, 06 Jan 2022 15:18:00 GMT

What’s your new year ritual? Do you even have one? I have read many articles about the importance of resolutions and conversely about how resolutions never work. I could argue it both ways, but I am not you. Your journey is unique and only you know what is right for you and what will work for you. Many of us, myself included, get carried away with a huge list of goals or resolutions. Invariably I get to the end of the year, and I strike a few things off my list as I realise that I am never going to do them. With the pressure to be productive and to achieve, we often set ourselves a huge list that might just be possible if there were no variants in our lives and yet the truth is that life is one fluid journey with a lot of uncertainty, and we need to build this flex into how we schedule and set goals.

It’s helpful to remove yourself from all the social media (in which case you won’t be reading this!) and work out what would you like for yourself, without the pressure of what you think you should be achieving due to social pressures or norms. I’m not going to tell you to make resolutions, however I will share with you what has been helpful to me:

Have a think about what gives you meaning as this is likely to bring happiness
Leave time for the unexpected joy in the everyday
Keep some goals loose e.g. be more creative, and then be open to where you might find that
Find things that you want to do rather than feel you ought to do

Whatever you do, be present in the here and now, look for joy and be brave taking the unexpected route in life as you never know where it might lead.

Happy New Year all!

Hold on or hold lightly

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 15:39:00 GMT

The meaning of life – let’s keep it light for my end of year blog!! The subject that I have been pondering the most this year is the idea of setting goals and having a purpose versus living in the moment and when those two ideas come into conflict. I realise I have written a lot about both of these subjects – being present and being in the moment has brought me a lot of unexpected moments of joy and given me the opportunity to look up and see what is right in front of me which sometimes takes life in a new and exciting direction. Equally I have found a lot of comfort in living with meaning and purpose. So can you do both?

I think the key is to ‘hold it lightly’ – a favourite phrase in the coaching world. I used to think that hold it lightly meant taking a care-free attitude which I have never been very good at – I am the least casual person I know! But recently I have come to understand it better. I see hold it lightly as the ability to have a plan or an idea but be open to the forces around us that may change or shape that idea and take us in a different direction. Holding that idea lightly whilst living in the moment to see what else comes our way which may shape the path that we would like to take. We are often guilty of defining our goals very specifically – we jump to the solution and define the job title and company rather than focussing on our values and what’s important to us about where we work. By stepping back and looking at the bigger picture it gives us more freedom.

As you start to think about resolutions or goals for 2022, have a think about how you can create something that allows you to move forward and yet savour the moment too. It’s a case of having a framework that can flex and adapt with whatever life throws at you. The more you are present, the more it will flex as you will notice more opportunities around you. Your purpose helps you to understand what makes you come alive, your values act as your guiding principles and your ability to hold your other goals lightly allows you to look up, be present, seize the uncertainty and spontaneity and make life a little more magical.

To boldly go…

Tue, 14 Dec 2021 10:31:00 GMT

I attended a workshop last week with the brilliant Steve Chapman about getting comfortable with uncertainty. Steve said “Where the words run out is where the magic happens” and the invitation to was to notice what you notice – nothing is right or wrong and Steve created a really welcoming and safe environment.

What did I notice? Whilst it is true that I have got much more comfortable with uncertainty over the past few years, I am still doing it within a fairly limited forum. Generally, it only involves me so I don’t need to consider how others view me and my response is often to rewrite the rules and framework around the new situation. When other people are involved, for example when I am coaching, I start to worry about whether my uncertainty might be perceived as incompetence.

How often do I truly embrace the uncertainty without formulating new rules (anyone who has read my previous blogs will know that I love a rule!). I also learnt that I may feel the need to fill a silence – I thought I was doing everyone a favour by getting the conversation going. I hadn’t realised that the silence is where those thoughts formulate and ruminate (for me as well as others) and if you leave it longer, that is where the magic happens.

My learning from this is that we all have narratives and pre-conceived ideas about how we should behave or how we are perceived by others. These can often stop us being bold and vulnerable. What’s the answer?

Try to let go of your preconceptions of what should happen
Hold lightly how you think things will work out
We often subconsciously create a number of additional rules and if you go back to the core, there is more opportunity for spontaneity and creativity than you realise
Be curious
Be aware of your emotions and sensations
Allow yourself to be fully present and respond according to your what you think and feel rather than what you think you should think or feel or say

Most of all I think this takes preparation. There is less preparation time in practical planning but if you really want to be spontaneous and embrace the uncertainty, the best way to prepare for this is to ensure that you are fully aware and present and in tune with your emotions and sensations. I would argue this requires more prep time because unless you can get to that place, there will always be an unhelpful narrative or a distraction stopping you from boldly going into the unknown.

Gimme, gimme, gimme

Tue, 30 Nov 2021 08:57:00 GMT

One of my favourite books is ‘Give and Take’ by Adam Grant. I love the idea that you can be a giver in life and still be successful in business, dispelling the old myth of needing to be hard-nosed and aggressive to make your way to the top. Adam Grant says “In healthy relationships, both people give and receive with no strings attached”. I’m also interested in the role that balance plays in this “If you’re a giver, remember to learn your limits – because takers don’t have any.”

The concept of giving with no strings attached is a lovely one – you do it because of the joy in helping someone develop or making a difference to someone’s life. But how often do we give when subconsciously we are expecting something in return and therefore when it is not reciprocated, we feel affronted. I recall a few years ago when I was growing my business, I got into the habit of giving advice or doing some small bits of work for free on the basis that I thought it would lead to paid work. I soon learnt that there were some takers who would get as much out of me as they could with no intention of paid work following. That’s not to say there is anything wrong with a reciprocal relationship – it’s more a case of knowing that is what you are expecting or wanting and communicating it. So why not have a think about the following:

Be aware of the kind of relationship you are entering
Find an authentic way to communicate what you’d like in return
Remember that everyone is different so what they bring to a relationship may be different to what you offer – don’t expect everyone to contribute in the same way
When you can give without strings attached, ensure there are no strings attached and don’t hold it against that person for evermore when they don’t reciprocate
When you are on the receiving end, find a way to show your appreciation
Ensure that the relationships that you cultivate are giving you the energy and balance that is right for you

I have in the past neglected my own mental health by giving too much. I’m now more aware of what I need to feel mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually at my best so sometimes the giving is to myself.

The road to nowhere?

Thu, 11 Nov 2021 11:28:00 GMT

Have you ever said to yourself, I’ll be fine once I get through this busy week, once I meet the perfect partner, once I get my dream job, once I move house? I know I’m guilty of it and I suspect I am not the only one who sometimes feels anchored to a destination or the dream of nirvana. I have come to realise that this kind of thinking is flawed for a number of reasons:

It puts the blame for our happiness or success on someone or something else and as a result we feel less ownership
It assumes that when we move to that place, nothing else will have changed in our life which is hardly ever the case!
It often assumes a rose-tinted version of that event, without a healthy dose of reality
It doesn’t account for the fact that we may change, and we need to be self-aware to adapt our destination as we grow

As a result, we don’t enjoy the journey as we are too fixated on the destination.

Instead, I like to think of life as an open water swim. We are heading in a certain direction, in line with our values and purpose but often we face challenging conditions along the way that sweep us in slightly different directions. If we focus and get in flow, the journey can be energising and can lead to greater self-awareness which may well in turn change our course.

So rather than focussing on one specific moment and assuming that is the answer to all your problems, it may be helpful to gain greater self-awareness of the here and now

Be present in the moment to experience life fully
Be aware of what you can control and influence and let go of things out of your control
Get a perspective on your current situation. There is a big difference between a job that is at odds with your values versus a job that is in line with your values where the workload is currently overwhelming
Drill down into your thoughts and feelings and understand what’s going on for you. If work is stressful, try to understand what is causing it and what tiny tweaks you can make to build your resilience
Make time for what is important to you. When life is tough, we can neglect looking after ourselves when we need it the most
Develop the art of improvisation – life constantly throws weird and wonderful things at us and the more we can move in flow with this, the more we can find opportunities to learn and grow and those unexpected moments of joy

I don’t think we are on a road to nowhere – it’s more a winding and bumpy road where we may well take a few different turns and that is ok as long as it is moving us towards living a fulfilled life.

Reasonable self-doubt

Wed, 27 Oct 2021 06:15:00 GMT

In 2017, when I went for my induction at my reservoir, we were asked, who feels nervous? Being the law-abiding person I am, I sheepishly raised my hand, and I was the only one to do so. I immediately felt like an imposter amongst these triathletes and yet when I told a friend about it, the first thing she said was, of course others were scared, but they didn’t want to admit it in front of everyone else. Whilst my friend could step back and gain perspective on the situation, I was holding on to my old sporting narrative and lacking in self-compassion. Over time, as I have become more comfortable embracing all my emotions, I find it easier to see these emotions as data where I have a choice about how I respond to them.

I was interested to hear Susan David question whether imposter syndrome is just healthy human doubt, and this made me think about when my healthy self-doubt and nerves tip into something more out of control when I feel like an imposter. For me, it is about how prepared I feel, how supportive the community is around me, the narratives that I am holding on to, (which are often outdated) and how compassionate I am towards myself. Knowing that the path to growth involves some discomfort has also been a good way for me to recognise my feelings as normal.

Adam Grant sees positives in imposter syndrome as by embracing those doubts it can motivate us to work harder, work smarter (as we have nothing to lose) and we are open to learning.

So rather than pushing what you think is imposter syndrome away, why not embrace what you are feeling and use it to your advantage:

Understand what you are feeling. Saying it out loud or writing it down can help put it in perspective or articulate more clearly the source of your doubt or fear
Identify what you can do to address your doubt
Adopt a level of confident humility
Enjoy the journey – learn, fail, learn, flourish
Surround yourself with a supportive community
Be kind to yourself

Whilst no-one else is on your journey, you’d be amazed at how many people journey through those moments of self-doubt too and embracing them, sharing them and seeing them as an opportunity to learn and grow can be very fulfilling.

Freestyler

Thu, 14 Oct 2021 10:06:00 GMT

Friends have joked that I am the least casual person they know – always organising everyone and fitting my eclectic interests into the week. In my coaching, I often talk about looking to schedule those moments that will help you feel physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually fit. So, I was particularly interested to read that over-scheduling can be detrimental. Whilst I cannot deny that I love my habit tracker, I have got more comfortable with uncertainty, improvisation and letting things happen. My coaching supervisor, Kay, describes her coaching beautifully when she tells me that she looks for “interest, energy and intent and the organic revealing of the next step.”

And research by Selin A Malkoc, associate professor of marketing at the Fisher College of Business at The Ohio State University, shows that if we over-schedule our leisure activities, we lose the sense of enjoyment and fun. I’m drawn back to my favourite quote about awareness from Phil Joyce and Charlotte Sills “You feel fully alive, exquisitely aware of being in the moment, with a sense of connection, spontaneity and freedom.” I’m sure we can all identify with this – those unexpected evenings out, that chance conversation with someone that brings that moment of joy and spontaneity into your life.

Furthermore, our perception of time in non-linear so if we have 4 hours free before a meeting, the last hour is thought to be less efficient than the first hour and we tend to carry out less meaningful tasks in that last hour.

I’m not about to throw the schedule away but I do think that we can recognise when scheduling is helpful or not, to maximise our enjoyment, productivity and sense of spontaneity.

Know yourself and what works for you
When tasks require concentration, think of scheduling blocks of time, rather than a rigid hour, to give yourself some flexibility
Be aware of the non-linear perception of time – trust yourself that the last hour is as valuable and the same amount of time as the first hour!
Build some freestyle time into your leisure activities
Allow time for the magic to happen – those moments between scheduled activities are often the most meaningful if you are present and open to seeing them

I am a big advocate of balance in life and making choices about how to spend your time, so when you do schedule, do it in line with your values and purpose and moving towards living a more fulfilled life.

More than words

Thu, 30 Sep 2021 10:42:00 GMT

Earlier this year when I started swimming drills in the pool, I found it very intimidating as every set of exercises had a load of words I didn’t understand – there were very few that explained what you had to do and there was an assumed level of experience. I was already battling with imposter syndrome, and this served to re-enforce my fears and it took me a couple of weeks to push myself to research and find something that explained things to me in plain English. I am sure that I am not alone – how often have you been in a meeting when acronyms are used but who wants to be the one to ask for a definition in front of peers? Often, most people are in the same boat, and they are grateful when someone else asks the question!

And it’s not just about complex language – other times language can trigger something in us. Take creativity – I truly believe that everyone is creative, but creativity is often associated with certain departments in companies and if you’re not in that department you may not feel like you have ‘permission to be creative.’ Sometimes tweaking language so that it feels less daunting and more inclusive can help to achieve a better result.

In all of these instances, the words are triggering a fear in us – fear of looking stupid, fear of the unknown, fear of ‘getting it wrong’, fear of failure. And yet if we have the courage to step forward and throw an idea into the ring or ask for a definition and show some vulnerability then it will be an enriching experience where we learn about ourselves and can grow. And the anticipation is often much worse than the actual thing itself!

It is up to us to create safe supportive environments where people feel they can ask questions and where they can fail. It is about choosing the language and the way we communicate. A spontaneous brainstorm may work for some people, but other personality types may want time to reflect and formulate ideas beforehand so allowing for everyone to participate fully will help. As a manager, showing your own vulnerability about what you don’t know will help to create that culture. As Susan David says, “Abandon the idea of being fearless. Instead walk directly into your fears, with your values as your guide, towards what matters to you. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is fear walking.”

We belong

Tue, 14 Sep 2021 10:40:00 GMT

There have been times in my life where I thought that I had found true belonging – meeting friends at university who shared my hatred of PE, finding work colleagues with a shared work ethic, finding other people who share my love of public transport, but I have never felt such a strong feeling of belonging as I did in 2020, when I spent more time alone than in any other year. It was a joy to have time and space to reflect and to understand what is important to me and apply my values to the choices I make. When people weren’t so readily on tap, I found I could look inside more deeply and connect with myself and 9 times out of 10 I knew exactly what I needed to do without the need for external validation. I have come out of it with a stronger sense of my purpose, values and what I need for my own wellbeing, and these are things that I am less willing to compromise on.

In Brené Brown’s book ‘Braving the Wilderness’ she defines true belonging as “to know that you can navigate the wilderness on your own – to know that you can stay true to your beliefs, trust yourself and survive it – that is true belonging.” This struck a chord with me as by understanding myself better and by being willing to stand up for what I believe in, I have connected with others more strongly. This can be hard to do as we live in a busy pressurised world where sometimes it is easy to go with the consensus, to follow social norms and take what we perceive to be ‘the easy path’. However, if we do want to gain awareness and live life to the full, it may require putting yourself out there, carving your own path and showing vulnerabilities. That can sound daunting and uncomfortable but the path to thriving has to be the one where we are true to ourselves and with that the connection and community will follow.

Making space for the magic to happen

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 15:04:00 GMT

I hate being late – it makes me feel stressed and I feel disrespectful to whoever I am meeting, irrespective of whether it is within my control or not! The other day when walking to the station with plenty of time to spare, I realised that the extra time serves another important purpose for me – it gives me the the opportunity for a chat, connection and to learn something new. I love these unexpected moments and know they wouldn’t happen if I was on a tighter schedule.

Being busy has become a badge of honour, but if we pack so much into our lives, we don’t allow ourselves time for those spontaneous chats, those chance meetings, those opportunities to be creative and to try different things. The best thing about 2020 for me was slowing down, accepting the uncertainty and looking for different opportunities to present themselves. It pays to be intentional about what you might be looking for but equally sometimes it is about being open to whatever might present itself.

As work has got busier recently, I was getting frustrated that I was neglecting other areas of my life. What I realised was that it doesn’t take much to make time for the other stuff – simply reflecting on it and making an intention has meant that I notice more and spot opportunities where I might not have seen them before.

So next time you are rushing around, look up, take a breather, see where the world takes you and make space for the magic to happen.

Channelling the nerves

Wed, 11 Aug 2021 09:52:00 GMT

I’m really excited to be writing for Scott Wilson and Swim People again. Do have a read of my latest blog about my Channel Swim journey over the last six months.

https://www.swimpeople.com.au/living-stories/swimtheenglishchannel

Have I got to be certain?

Thu, 29 Jul 2021 14:25:00 GMT

I’ve written before about uncertainty and how, despite my rules in life, I have got more comfortable with uncertainty and seen creative opportunities emerge from it. For me, this seems to be much easier when I am the only one affected by it so I can choose how I respond.

This week I was listening to a podcast with Steve Chapman about creativity in coaching and embracing uncertainty. He talked about the benefits of moving towards not knowing and how by taking people into a more abstract space, they are more likely to think differently and that’s where transformation occurs. I really love this concept and reflected on whether I was embracing uncertainty within my work environment, where other people are involved.

I realised that within my event work I feel very comfortable coming up with creative ideas on the spot and improvising around the event and a lot of this is to do with the fact that it feels ‘safer’ to do as I have 20+ years credibility and therefore feel better equipped to face the inevitable rejection of some my ideas.

When I thought about my coaching, I know I do my best coaching when I am present, noticing what’s happening and letting go of what the outcome might be. Yet when I reflect on the reality of my coaching, I realise that I am still not embracing uncertainty as fully as I do in other areas of my life, perhaps because there is a bit of imposter syndrome creeping in. Coaching is a more recent strand of my work and I think there is still a fear that the uncertainty or the fact that a creative exercise may not be helpful, might reflect badly on me. The irony is I would happily suggest that same creative exercise to one of my event clients!

To overcome this, I found it very helpful to think of the uncertainty and creativity in coaching as co-creation with my client – we are in it together. I also love the honesty of saying to a client, let’s try an exercise and see if it works without the pressure of feeling like you should pre-suppose its success. It certainly made me stop and reflect and think to myself that there is room for me to be braver if I want to continuously improve as a coach.

We are programmed to be creatures of habit so next time you are stuck, why not try to move yourself into a different space:

Embrace playfulness and curiosity
Go beyond the norms
Unlearn some old habits
Question your assumptions
See blockers as opportunities
Get comfortable being uncomfortable
Think of creativity as co-creativity

Robert Poynton, in his book Do/Improvise, talks about three principles: Notice More, Let Go and Use Everything. If I can do these in my coaching, I know I’m on the right track and if I can do this in life, then who knows what will emerge!

What’s the story?

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 12:52:00 GMT

One thing I love about meeting new open water swimmers is that you meet on a level playing field, wearing the scruffiest of tracksuit bottoms or in your cossie, therefore a lot of the signals that we use to make snap judgements about someone are not there – how they dress, which company they work for, who they know and talk to. It can be an opportunity to have an honest conversation without judgement and without pre-conceptions.

When I started my channel swimming journey seven months ago, my fellow teammates and I had two things in common – we wanted to swim the channel and raise money for Aspire. None of us knew the journey we had gone on to get to this point. Despite qualifying comfortably for the swim, I found myself, on occasions, slipping into my old narrative of not being good at sport and how I wasn’t as good as the others. Through this journey, I have learnt a lot about my identity and how I can continue to grow.

How we define ourselves can be very limiting – we are putting ourselves in a box and that can mean we are not open to new or different opportunities. It is such an easy trap to fall into as we are often defined at networking events by what we do and who we work for. I have found that in the down times of 2020, I have become more resilient and confident about talking about myself in a context wider than my job. And it is far more interesting!

When it comes to swimming, I realised that there was a fear of letting go of this narrative as once I had, there would be no excuse for not performing. I find that my emotions are strongest when they clash with my values. A good example of this is that I hate being late for meetings because I feel it looks disrespectful and respect is my number one value. If I am meeting a colleague who knows me well, I am less stressed as I feel they are aware of my values (although it is still stressful, however much I coach myself about it being out of my control!!).

I have learnt that letting go is easier when I understand my emotions around it. My sporting fear is associated with not wanting to let the team down, yet I knew it was something I wanted to do as I would feel mentally and physically fitter by doing more sport. By letting go, I needed to give myself the best chance of success by training hard and looking after myself, which I committed to at the beginning of the journey. I also needed to remind myself that there would still be a lot of things out of my control, so preparing myself to react in the best way I could to whatever was thrown at me was also important. On the boat, I was told that my first swim wasn’t fast enough, and I needed to put in more effort on my second one. Whilst this would have upset me hugely a few years ago, I realised that I was being told this to help us succeed as a team and I needed to take it in the spirit it was intended.

I have learnt that I need to believe in myself and try not worry what others think. Knowing that I am doing something because it is the right thing for me, is the most important thing. In this case, some people thought I was bonkers, but the right people rallied around with supporting words and encouragement.

Lots of elements of our identity are associated with social norms and what we think we are expected to be doing at a certain point in our life. Over the past five years, as I have grown as a person, I am less defined by what I do and more by my purpose, my values and how I can be creative and make a difference. This is a constantly evolving story and one with uncertainty but without the uncertainty and discomfort, there is no opportunity to grow so isn’t it worth a risk?

The art of connection

Wed, 30 Jun 2021 15:14:00 GMT

I have always found it easy to make new connections and feed of the energy that other people give me, although I have sometimes wondered if my network is too big. One of my lessons from lockdown is that meaningful connections are far more valuable than the number of connections.

Despite the restrictions and lack of work last year, the connections I made were deeper and more meaningful than at other times in my life. I was reflecting recently on why that was. Part of it was that I had slowed down and had time to listen and engage with people. I’m also more self-aware and conscious that not every conversation has to focus on myself. Going through a pandemic is something extraordinary where people asked how I was in a way where they were interested in my response and how they could support me. I’ve also become less afraid to ask someone how they are or respond when they are not ok, knowing that that is when they most need my support. Most importantly I am more prepared to be vulnerable with people in a way that forms a deeper connection.

As things have opened up, I’ve tried to hold onto this and think about what makes a connection meaningful for me:

Being prepared to be vulnerable has meant that those relationships are more meaningful and stronger
Finding common values and purpose is something that gives me a real buzz
Entering conversations with a coaching mindset and listening without judgement helps me to be more self-aware and stops me trying to fix problems
Entering conversations with a generous mindset rather than thinking about what I will get out of the interaction is liberating and also very rewarding
Treating everyone I meet with respect, irrespective of differing views

Brené Brown defines it perfectly when she says “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

Should you fake it till you make it?

Tue, 22 Jun 2021 15:09:00 GMT

Last weekend, I found myself in Dover feeling very anxious about a practice boat trip for my upcoming channel relay swim. Predictably, the anticipation was far worse than the actual swim – all my hang ups from 20 years of being rubbish at sport and never picked for a team were front of my mind and my imposter syndrome kicked in. I had to dig deep, give myself a talking to and when I got in to swim, it was fantastic, and I swam well in challenging conditions.

Fake it till you make it, I hear you say. Well the truth is I didn’t have to fake it. My issue was that my frame of reference was based on my abilities from 10 years ago. Since then, swimming has become a big part of my life and since qualifying for my channel swim, I have been training hard to improve my speed and technique. Yet at that moment in time, none of these positive things came to mind and my mind was filled with every reason why it would be hard.

I agree it is useful to push yourself into your discomfort zone and fake a bit of confidence when you go into challenging situations, but I think it is equally important to take a realistic view of your current situation and celebrate your strengths, hard work and preparation and also prepare to improvise based on what life throws at you. Negative thoughts can often be based on one bad experience, and it is useful to get these in perspective and understand the whole picture. If in doubt, speak to yourself as if you were supporting a good friend. Of course, this doesn’t mean you won’t fail, but it does mean that you give yourself the opportunity to do the best you can. For most of us, we’re better prepared than we give ourselves credit for

I feel alive

Mon, 31 May 2021 10:10:00 GMT

In the last few years, I have got more in tune with all my emotions, whether those are negative or positive and sought to understand what’s going on for me. Susan David describes emotional agility as ‘the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion and especially the courage to take values-connected steps’. In 2020, this has been a particularly rewarding process for me and made easier by the slower pace of life due to the pandemic and less work.

I’m currently in a very busy phase of work and found myself this week full of frustration and beating myself up because I felt I had neglected one of my goals for the month. It was only when I stopped and reflected that I realised that I had achieved far more than I had given myself credit for. I am sure I’m not the only one to lose compassion for myself in the heat of the moment. The lesson for me was to continue experiencing those emotions but to explore fully what they mean and, importantly, to do it without judgement. So the next time you are feeling a strong emotion, take the time to really step into it:

Sit with all your emotions. Sometimes stepping outside and observing them will help to give you perspective
Take time to reflect on what’s really going – often the core emotion we display might be masking something deeper within
Find a way to process them in a way that works for you – think about macro and micro coping strategies
Remind yourself of your purpose and goals and think about whether the emotions are moving you in the right direction
Hold on to your set of values as a way of guiding your behaviour
Celebrate the wins – we are wired to focus on the negative more than the positive, so it is important to celebrate the good stuff too
Practice gratitude
Be kind to yourself

To live life fully means we will experience discomfort, there will be highs and lows and that’s ok. It takes courage and resilience, and you have to open yourself up which can feel scary but when you embrace it all, it can be amazing. My coaching sessions are all about raising self-awareness within my coachee and it’s something that I strive to practice within myself too and when you get there, it will be worth it. As Phil Joyce says, “you feel fully alive, exquisitely aware of being in the moment with a sense of connection, spontaneity and freedom”.

Connecting with nature

Thu, 13 May 2021 15:07:00 GMT

It’s mental health awareness week and this year’s theme is nature. This past year has been an amazing year for me to connect with nature – more time exploring local parks, more walks with friends and more outdoor swimming. With work falling away, I realised that my previous pace of life had been too busy and by slowing down and connecting with nature, I have become more in tune with myself and my emotions and formed closer relationships with others.

My March this year was met with a hectic return to work – hectic because I had to come out of my year-long retirement (a little reluctantly!) and hectic because the intense pace of work felt more solitary working from home, without as much of the team banter and support as you would have in an office environment. I also realised that when working from home, you have to make a more conscious effort to connect with nature as there can be a tendency to never leave the house. I was amazed at how many of my wellbeing moments in the day are connected with a walk between meetings or a moment to myself on the commute to the office. These moments are even more important when human interaction is less and yet they can be the first thing to suffer.

When you think about your week ahead, have a think about how you can build in moments to connect with nature. In just a few minutes, it can have the effect of bringing some calm and joy into your life and help to put things in perspective. I spoke to the Better team about how swimming has such an important impact on my mental health.

https://twitter.com/Better_UK/status/1392461402036752384?s=19

I hope you can find your moment of wonder and joy somewhere in nature too!

Lean on me

Thu, 29 Apr 2021 18:36:00 GMT

One of my favourite parts of the job is enabling people to learn and grow. When I think back to my first job in events, I learnt on-the-job by overhearing people on the phone, sitting in meetings, making myself useful and absorbing everything that was going on around me. In an office environment, I could see the lay of the land and spot opportunities, as well as spontaneously chat to people and ask for advice.

My ethos has always been to allow people to grow and take on responsibility, whilst creating a safe environment for them to ask advice and fail. In an office environment, a lot of this would be intuitive – my ability to read body language and sense uncertainty and on the other side, it can feel much easier to ask questions when you are sat next to someone rather than feeling that you are bothering them every hour with a phone call or Zoom request. Yet if we do want people to flourish, we have to find a way to make this work in a virtual world and create those opportunities for people to flourish.

If you are looking to develop colleagues, have a think about how to create a supportive environment with plenty of opportunities:

Recognise what stage of their learning they are at
Think about the best way to support them by having an open discussion together
Build a relationship based on trust and respect and be clear on expectations on both sides. This is not only about what you expect but also about how you can best support your colleague to achieve their objectives
Have regular communications throughout the week or even day
Whilst at open-door policy may not always be possible, find ways to support them outside of the formal meetings and establish a line of communication that works for both of you. I remember when I started out, it made such a difference knowing I had someone to turn to, whatever the situation
Be a good listener
Look at opportunities to coach them, rather than offering solutions
Encourage colleagues to flag potential issues early so that you can tackle them together
Think about learning opportunities within your week – are you having any meetings which you could invite them to? Are you working on a piece of work that they could shadow? The virtual world has meant less obvious visibility between colleagues, so we need to identify and share these opportunities
Instigate catch ups to check on how they are, without any other specific agenda

This is not about constantly checking up on people, but it is about being present and being supportive and the more you can offer this, the less people will need it and the more you will see them truly fly.

Taking the plunge

Thu, 08 Apr 2021 18:20:00 GMT

I am very exciting to be writing for Swim People again. Due to the 2021 lockdown I was deprived of swimming for 3 months so the last 2 weeks has been such a joy to be back in the water. Read about my return to swimming, what I have learnt about myself over the past year and how I am conquering my limiting beliefs.

https://www.swimpeople.com.au/living-stories/taking-the-plunge

I’m only human

Wed, 31 Mar 2021 18:07:00 GMT

In the past couple of weeks, I have worked onsite for a couple of virtual events. Despite being a very sociable creature, it was a bit dauting to think about mixing with others after so long and yet when I experienced the power of human connection, I realised exactly what I had been missing.

A colleague of mine used to describe going onsite for a live event as ‘doors to manual’. After weeks of careful planning, putting documentation in place, using every collaboration tool under the sun, you are thrown together to make it happen. Invariably things do not go according to plan, but it is amazing to see people think differently and creatively to solve problems and how much of a buzz you get from the shared journey of both stress and joy. There’s a sense that you are all in it together and by talking it through, solutions can be found.

I have worked from home for most of my working life and yet always favour meeting clients face-to-face, as building those relationships tends to happen faster that way. The past year has taught me that there is a lot that can be done virtually, particularly when relationships are already well-established. But it has also taught me that the buzz, shared experience and community of coming together in person is hard to replicate online, particularly when so much of what happens is picking up on non-verbal cues and showing empathy.

As the UK starts to open up in 2021, there is no doubt that the world of work will look very different. I do think that rather than coming up with a set number of days to work in the office or from home, we need to look at when it adds value to come together. There is no formula that works for everyone – it is very much dependent on the task in hand and the people and personalities involved. It’s also worth thinking about more junior members of the team who might be missing out on learning and development which would naturally occur from being in an office environment.

Have a think about the type of environment that you are trying to create and the outcome that you would like. Do I want to encourage creativity? Am I creating a supportive environment? Is this about creating a sense of community? Do I need to solve a problem? How can I build team rapport? How can I create a learning culture?

Once you know what you are trying to create, then you can go about creating that environment whether that’s in person or online. It’s not to say that these things can’t be created online but it often takes more careful curation. We all crave human connection, and it can be achieved in lots of ways but don’t underestimate the value of going back to basics with the power of speech.

Leave them all behind

Wed, 17 Mar 2021 09:54:00 GMT

I have often spoken to coaching clients about letting go of old, unhealthy narratives and decided this week it was time to practice what I preach. I write this in my 40s, still hanging on to sporting hang-ups from school which I know no longer serve me, so I explored this in an NLP session with Miranda Ellis.

In the past 10 years, I have taken up more sport, pushed myself to take on challenges, often been in my discomfort zone and yet still in the back of my mind, I enter those situations with a nagging voice assuming that I will be rubbish, that I will be the slowest in my swimming lane, that I will let my team members down and whilst this is rarely the case, this is always my mindset going into these situations.

What I discovered this week, was my memories of not being able to do a forward roll, or not being picked for the team were all associated with an unsupportive environment, one where I felt mocked or made to feel inadequate. I had always said I felt fear but when I dug down it was about not feeling good enough.

My more recent sporting memories where I have thrived have invariably been in hugely supportive environments where I have been encouraged to go for it and not made to feel like a failure or mocked before I event started.

Leaving those old narratives behind and embracing who you are today is such an exhilarating thing to do but in order to do it, you do need to be in the right frame of mind and to put yourself in the right environment. And we can support other people in this journey too. So have a think about:

Which part of your story would you like to change?
What’s important to you and what are your values?
It is a safe environment?
Am I surrounding myself with supporters?
Do I understand what my emotions are really telling me?
Am I being kind to myself?
What can I do to turn down those unhelpful memories in my mind?

Dan McAdams, a psychology professor says you have to “believe your story – but also embrace how it changes over time, according to what you need it to do. Try out new stories about yourself, and keep editing them, as much as you would your résumé.”

Jump for my love…the art of listening

Wed, 24 Feb 2021 14:00:00 GMT

Without realising it, I find myself tuning out of what’s happening in a meeting as I am busy preparing what I am going to say next. I am a big fan of being prepared but sometimes we can be in danger of steamrolling our own agenda through, irrespective of what’s happening on the day. The key, I believe, is to get the right balance of preparation and improvisation. A greater understanding of what’s going on for the other person will allow for a more meaningful exchange and ultimately a better outcome and to achieve this, we need to actively listen.

One of my favourite quotes about listening comes from Jack Zenger who says “Good listeners are like trampolines: You can bounce ideas off them, and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, they energise and clarify your thinking. They make you feel better not by merely passively absorbing but by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and height like a trampoline.”

Good listening is not about saying silent. It is about bringing your whole self to the conversation, being present and playing back what is said it a supportive way. It is a two-way dialogue, yet we don’t have to dominate or suggest our way of doing things. Listening and coaching colleagues can lead to a more powerful outcome and an outcome formed by the individual themselves.

In our busy world, we can be guilty of asking questions but wanting a cursory response or only listening to the parts that support our own opinion. When I entered the world of coaching, I had to leave behind my need to control and advise in each situation and to listen to the situation I face. My best coaching sessions happen when I am fully present, let go of any preconceptions about the outcome, actively listen and respond to what I hear. And whilst we may think that asking someone how they are and having to listen to a long response is slowing us down, it is that very answer that will frame how you respond and could change the whole nature of the interaction for the better.

In a virtual world, listening can seem like hard work, so what can we do to foster the art of listening?

Create the right environment for the interaction. Old skool phone calls often allow parties to listen more deeply as people are not reliant on the visual cues
Ensure that the right people are present
In a group situation, pick up on signals and curate the conversation by inviting people to contribute as this may not occur as naturally in a virtual world. Follow up with individuals after a group session if you feel that didn’t have the opportunity to be fully listened to
Be curious and ask questions that will promote discovery and insight
Build up the other person’s self esteem
Listen with your eyes and pick up on non-verbal cues such as body language and moods
Build on the conversation in a supportive way
Be careful not to make assumptions or jump into practicalities too soon
Use empathy to understand the point of view of others
Try to avoid the natural instinct of responding with a negative answer to someone’s suggestion. I love the idea of being an angel’s advocate rather than a devil’s advocate!

Who will you enable to jump today?

Feel the Rhythm!

Wed, 10 Feb 2021 10:34:00 GMT

My Zoom film club was particularly pleasing last week as we watched Cool Runnings. I love this film so much – it’s funny, feel-good, not self-indulgent in length (bring back the 90-minute films!), exciting and most of all inspiring. And I know I can take full credit for my friend’s medal success in Rio after I gave her a lucky egg!

Throughout the film we follow the Jamaican bobsleigh team on their journey to the Olympics, facing many obstacles – no snow, no money and fighting against a community who don’t think they belong. At one point, they event start to mimic the Swiss team in a bid to improve their performance. The defining moment for me is when a fellow team member fights back on copying the Swiss and says “the best I can be is Jamaican” This resonated with me personally and also with my work as a coach.

Within the Gestalt style of coaching, we focus on developing awareness of the here and now and one of the key principles is the paradox of change – change happens when you accept who you are. This may sound counter-intuitive but it is the very thing in Cool Runnings which leads to their best performance – embracing every part of who they were and working with it.

I have often followed alternative paths to my peers and whilst most of the time I have known this was what I wanted to do, it hasn’t stopped the odd moment of doubt creeping in or the moment where I compare myself to others and feel insecure and wonder whether I should follow the path of others. I’ve also been very goal-driven in my life without always getting to the root of the goal to see if it is in line with my values and what I want out of life. If it’s not, then it invariably fails.

2020 gave me an opportunity to feel my own natural rhythm and be true to myself without worrying about anyone or anything else. We can be so goal driven and continue to push ourselves whereas sometimes we need to slow down, build awareness and the path forward will emerge naturally. What can you do to feel your rhythm? Slow down and understand everything that is happening for you – good sensations, uncomfortable sensations and dig beneath your immediate emotion to identify what is really going on. As Susan David says, “When we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.” If we are aware of everything that is happening for us, we can understand ourselves better and new paths and options will emerge. Having trained as a coach last year, I was astounded how a half hour coaching session could uncover what was really happening for me and the path forward then became so much clearer. Giving yourself permission to pause, sit with emotions and dig deeper to understand yourself fully can open up opportunities and options that you may not have realised existed. Embracing all of who you are and working with it will enable you to be the best that you can be/

Are you feeling very Olympic today?

It only takes a minute girl

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 19:45:00 GMT

I entered last week feeling overwhelmed and anxious about various things in my life. Before 2017, I would have suppressed these feelings and found my happy cheery self to keep going and to support everyone around me. When I faced a tough year in 2017, my immediate thought was that I would be showing a weakness by opening up to friends about my woes. Of course, when I finally did it, I was met with nothing but love and kindness and immediately felt better about confronting what was going on for me. It was a huge lesson to tune in to everything that is going on for me with curiosity rather than judgement – to be an emotional scientist.

As a coach, deepening self-awareness has been one of the most powerful places I can take clients, as that clarity opens up potential and choices emerge. Personally, I was happy to note that my reaction last week was more open and supportive to myself, and it was fascinating to see that, whilst it was a little uncomfortable, it took only minutes for me to put things in perspective through talking it through with a friend and journaling.

I heard Tal Ben-Shahar speaking this morning about happiness and resilience. It resonated with me when he said that giving yourself permission to experience painful emotions is the foundation for happiness. I have certainly found that by embracing everything I feel and being more vulnerable, I am more in tune with myself, happier accepting the whole of me and this has allowed me to form deeper friendships.

Tal also spoke about resilience 2.0 where instead of just bouncing back after difficulty, you grow and move to a stronger place. He made a very interesting point about stress – the problem is not stress; it is the lack of recovery. We often find ourselves in a stressful situation and then exacerbate the situation by ploughing on without recovery time. I like to think of the recovery time as a vital part of my wellbeing. I am unlikely to be able to do my next task efficiently if I have not processed my emotions. Whilst it may not be possible to process everything during a working day, there is invariably time for a 30 second breathing reset or time to jot down what you might want to think about and explore later on.

So next time you feel that stress coming on, take a moment to stop and think about what might be best for your recovery and what tools you have within your armour, whether that’s deep breathing, going for a walk, stepping away from technology or journaling. A quick dance around the house may just work wonders.

Ooh aah, just a little bit…Ooh aah, little bit more

Thu, 14 Jan 2021 10:05:00 GMT

A few years ago, I was shocked to learn from my Mum that when you give up something for Lent, the weekends don’t count. I had often tried and failed to give up chocolate for the whole period and my Mum was happily enjoying a glass of wine at the weekend and telling me she had given up drink for Lent. Whilst this isn’t about me feeling cheated for 40 years (which is clearly how I feel!), I do believe there is sense is taking small steps towards your goals and realising that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

As we enter 2021, January is a month full of resolutions and grand plans for the year. These often start as something very exciting but can quickly become overwhelming if they are not broken down into manageable chunks. The UK lockdown has also had an impact as so many habits are associated with a commute to work, or an activity on the way home or simply that spontaneous coffee break which lifts your spirits when you most need it. How can we continue to look after ourselves in 2021?

Take a step back and reflect on what you need on a daily and weekly basis for your own wellbeing. Some of these probably happened more naturally before lockdown so you may need to engineer these moments throughout the day
Think of your day holistically in terms of work, home life, health and wellbeing. The lines between these are blurred and if you don’t look at the day as a whole, it is likely that something will suffer
Break this down into small steps and think about how you might be able to incorporate these into your daily routine. Is there an existing habit where you could stack a new habit onto it?
Be conscious of your time – the average person spends 3 hours 15 minutes on their phone so could some of that time be spent on steps towards your goal
Notice when your energy or concentration is dropping during work time and try out strategies to counter this. Perhaps stepping away from the screen and doing some deep breathing or journaling. Find something that works for you and then think about scheduling these moments into your working day
Focus on the elements that you can control and let go of what you cannot control
Think about something creative that you can do on a weekly basis
Build flexibility into what you are trying to achieve so that when unexpected things happen you can counter that feeling of failure. I tend to look at my diary on a weekly basis and plan exercise around other commitments which works well for me

Most of all be kind to yourself and celebrate every personal success as I bet there are a lot more than you realise!

How’s your 2020 vision?

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 14:25:00 GMT

How’s your 2020 vision? A little blurry? There is no doubt that it has been a strange and unexpected year with challenges for each and every one of us. As we come to the end of 2020, I was reflecting on the unexpected joy of gaining clarity in areas of my life. The universal pause has given many of us permission to slow down, reflect and consider what is important.

For me, the majority of my regular work was cancelled back in March. Once I made peace with this situation, it has been a wonderful time to develop my identity – an identity that is not only defined by work. I have learnt over the years that in periods of work transition, I am usually clear and in fact excited about where I want to go and yet the hurdle is often other people’s opinions or my own worry that people will judge me for my lack of work or immediate achievement. I know deep down that the key is not to compare myself to others and to have that strong self-belief, however that is easier said than done, when the first question we ask each other is What do you do for a living? Where do you work? What project are you working on at the moment? Being busy with work has become a badge of honour and to admit that you are not busy can be tough.

2020 has been about embracing the unknown, being open to new opportunities and harnessing my creativity. Creativity has emerged in all aspects of my life – where I find my community, how I express my emotions, how I adapt my daily routine, the ways in which I coach, how I run events, how I keep fit and when I write. I feel I am entering 2021 having discovered more things I love, where my strengths lie and what makes me feel fulfilled.

So which parts of 2020 will you hold on to? What’s important to you? What’s stopping you doing what you really want to do? And as you interact with others, think about how you can ask more open questions about values, shared interests, podcasts and what people love to do rather than just what they do for a living. By sharing our lives on Zoom, we’ve had an insight into the wider context in which we all live, so let’s embrace that and find the joy in all parts of our identity.

My swimming journey from fear to absolute joy

Fri, 04 Dec 2020 11:31:00 GMT

My relationship with sport has come from a place of fear and embarrassment. I felt that schools didn’t support those that that weren’t good enough for the team, so the good ones got better and the weaker ones weren’t given any support. It has been a joy to find swimming later in life and whilst the mental health benefits were my first joy, over time I have seen myself improve and challenge myself to take on more. It was a pleasure to speak with Scott Wilson of Swim People to share my journey from fear to absolute joy.

Do read the full interview here

https://www.swimpeople.com.au/living-stories/rosanna-machado-london-uk

Corona-busting choons

Mon, 16 Nov 2020 11:26:00 GMT

As a social creature, I entered the first lockdown with a little trepidation. I discovered that I could find joy and community in so many different and unexpected places. I was lucky enough to take part in an arts project with Collage Arts to record my experience.

My playlist with five friends has brought me a daily ritual, the joy of music and an incredible closeness to friends.

Today as we hit song #261 I’d like to say thank you, to my fellow playlist crew, for the music and more importantly thank you for the amazing support and friendship.

Do watch my monologue here

https://lnkd.in/dEcaDa4

Swimming into self-care

Wed, 04 Nov 2020 17:12:00 GMT

Today I had my last beautiful swim at the reservoir before lockdown. I never fail to feel happier, healthier and calmer when I have been for a swim, but it’s not always been that way.

I spent my childhood being rubbish at sport and that made me reluctant to participate through fear and embarrassment. I took up swimming in my 30s to do some form of exercise and I picked swimming as it is solitary, so I wouldn’t need to compete against anyone. At the time, I still couldn’t put my head under water but overcame that fear and became a regular pool swimmer by 2012 enjoying the benefits for my mental health as well as my physical health.

Fast forward 8 years and swimming has become so much more for me. The enforced time away from technology, the immersion and meditation time, how it enables me to get in flow and feel such an energised focus. I love how it challenges me to push myself, despite my fears as I know I will feel better afterwards.

The very reason I took up swimming to be solitary has come full circle. I still love the solitary immersion, but it’s now combined with a hugely supportive and non-judgemental community. I have become more open about my fears in open water and the ability to be more vulnerable has led to stronger friendships and some amazing swimming adventures together.

And through all of this, I have realised that I do have the ability to rewrite my story and to own my own story. I no longer worry so much about what others think and instead embrace everything that it gives me and challenge myself rather than comparing myself to others.

As I studied for my coaching diploma this year, open water swimming was the inspiration for my model. When I coach at my best, I liken it to when I am swimming, when I am in flow and I have that energised focus and it feels effortless.

Approaching the next four weeks without my beloved swimming is tough, but I can reflect on what I get from swimming and look at how I can build those elements into my daily life – connecting with my community old and new, finding time to be offline and outside, looking for opportunities to get in flow, continuing to challenge myself and push myself into my discomfort zone, choosing to do things for myself and dispensing with the comparison to others. It will be challenging for all of us in different ways and with our usual routines adrift, let’s look after ourselves and embrace what we need for our own wellbeing.

Can’t fight this feeling….are you aware of emotional contagion?

Tue, 20 Oct 2020 07:02:00 GMT

Last week, whilst managing a virtual green room, I was struck by the fact that the most important thing in that moment was still human connection and not the technology – how I connected with the speakers, how I put them at ease, reassured them, made them smile and got them in the best mindset. I wanted to infect them with my positive energy.

And we shouldn’t underestimate the infectious nature of emotions, known as emotional contagion. In a study by Harvard Medical and Business School, when three people were put in a room, it took less than two minutes for the most emotionally excitable person (positive or negative) to affect the other two people, whether they said a word or not. Evidence also suggests that negative emotions are more contagious than positive emotions.

What does this mean for us?

We need to be self-aware and understand our own emotions. If we think about emotions as data and acknowledge them, we have a much healthier relationship with them and can think about micro and macro strategies to process the difficult ones. I heard this described beautifully as being an emotional scientist – exploring your emotions with curiosity and trying different strategies.

Where we do have a choice, we can be more mindful about how and where we spend our time. Emotional contagion is equally true in the digital world, so think about how your consumption of social media is affecting you emotionally. Surround yourself, where possible, with people that are having a positive impact in your life and think about how to remove yourself or process situations, that are not healthy for your own well-being.

When interacting with others, be aware of the effect that your emotions will have on others. We want to be authentic and it can be difficult to leave your emotions at the door when you get to work, but we can think about the impact we will have on others and empathise with what they might need from us. Think about how to connect with people in the most meaningful way. Be aware of group dynamics and how negativity can spread through a team. Often discussing these issues before they escalate can be helpful. Encourage an honest, open and respectful culture. Think about when conversations are better on a one-to-one basis versus group to ensure that individuals get what they need from the conversation.

I have always been aware of the impact of my emotions on others, but I used to suppress my negative emotions and radiate positivity and whilst that had its benefits, I was often ridden with internal stress and anxiety. I still aspire to be a positive beacon whilst showing empathy to others but now with a healthier awareness of what I need to do and how I need to process my emotions in a way that is best for my well-being.

The zebra’s new stripes

Tue, 06 Oct 2020 05:57:00 GMT

I’m really excited to share that I have qualified as an Executive Coach. In Native American shamanism, the zebra is the symbol of balance, agility, clarity without filters, and sureness of path. This is something that really resonates with me as becoming a Coach has felt such a natural next step and somewhere where I feel really at home.

When I embarked on coaching, I knew that this was another string to my bow, however in the past two weeks it has become clearer to me how this naturally complements my events business. I was a guest on Kirstin Bourne’s podcast recently where I was asked to describe the creative process that I use at work. To listen to the full podcast, please click here https://zebra.uk.net/cem-podcast/

On the podcast, I reflected on the commonality between what I do in events and what I do in coaching. I use empathy and creativity in both, to heighten awareness and see a different perspective. Both require the ability to improvise, based on whatever I see, hear and feel. This clarity on where my strengths lie and where I can add the most value has been great as I evolve the business. Do check out my new website here https://zebra.uk.net/

During my coaching course, we were asked to develop our own model. Through this process I realised that energy is a big theme for me when I coach – the energy that I put into session, the energy that I would like to create within the session with my client and how I would like us both to feel after the session.

I was reminded of how I feel when I swim. My swimming journey came from a place of fear – fear of putting my head under water, fear of open water and yet I pursued it, pushing myself into my discomfort zone. And each time I emerge, I realise I am much braver than I give myself credit for. I now love it – I find it so energising and I feel very alive. This analogy has formed my coaching model which I hope will give you a sense of what it feels like to be coached by me.

Imagine swimming side-by-side in the open water. You have a destination in mind. To get there, we immerse ourselves, diving deeper to explore with curiosity whilst the water holds us in a safe positive space. Occasionally we emerge to survey the wider landscape. By getting into flow and rhythm, we’ll have greater self-awareness of the here and now. Sometimes the currents of life may carry us in a different direction, sometimes we navigate deeper waters and it becomes challenging but we’ll swim together, uncovering pathways, continuously moving forward, and we will arrive, feeling energised and with greater clarity.

I’m looking forward to diving deeper and exploring unchartered territory on the next stage of the Zebra journey. Where will you swim to next?

The post The zebra’s new stripes appeared first on Zebra .

I should be so lucky

Wed, 16 Sep 2020 17:07:00 GMT

Friends are often astonished that wherever I go in the world, I seem to bump into someone I know. You may think that’s coincidence but I am sure it has something to do with the fact that I am always looking for human connection – I love those interactions and the more random the meeting, the more magical it is. And so by looking for it, I am more likely to see it whenever it presents itself, on the tube or in some far-flung destination.

In a similar vein, I was fascinated to hear Christian Busch talk about the serendipity mindset – an open mindedness so that when opportunities present themselves, we are ready to seize them. Christian talks about “building a muscle for the unexpected”. Previously, I would have categorised myself as a control freak. I like things to be orderly however over the years, I have surprised myself at my ability to adapt, improvise and change my routine based on what is thrown my way. I am certainly more likely these days to look for what I can learn or how I use an unexpected turn of events to my advantage.

What can we do to increase the likelihood of those serendipity moments?

Accept that you cannot control everything and expect, or even, embrace the unexpected!
Help to cultivate those moments by sharing more with people you meet, which in turn may trigger those moments
Be open to where the unexpected may take you and look for how you might use what is presented to you
If it happens, try and put your limiting beliefs to one side, and go for it. We’ve all been there when we see someone we admire and don’t feel confident enough to approach them. It’s useful to think about the worst-case scenario versus not taking the opportunity at all. Often the two are similar and there is a whole spectrum of better things that may happen if you go for it.

In Robert Poynton’s book, “Do / Improvise” he advocates three principles:

Notice more – open yourself up to what’s going on and lean into your senses
Let go – of the past, of what you can’t control and focus on the present
Use everything as an offer – whatever is thrown at us is usable in some way

If we open ourselves up and adopt this mindset, we may just feel like a little more luck is coming our way.

Just Say no…finding the pleasure in your leisure time

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 08:35:00 GMT

n 2017, I prided myself on saying yes to everything! Yes to friends, yes to helping people out, yes to meetings, yes to any opportunity that came my way. I came out of the year mentally and physically exhausted and not necessarily closer to where I wanted to be. And it took that year for me to reassess things and have a healthier approach to the choices I have and the decisions that I make. It was liberating to realise that I did have a choice. I read that every good no makes room for a better yes – one that adds value and builds relationships. And when I did this, amazingly I seemed to fit more into my life as I was more mindful about how to spend my time.

Many people I talk to tell me they don’t have time for hobbies and their self-care routine gets neglected which has become even trickier with working from home and the blurring of work and home life. Though the average person seems to find 3 hr 15 min a day to spend on their phone! And yet without looking after yourself, your work and relationships will suffer. So how can you successfully prioritise this?

Ask yourself, what do I need to do on a daily / weekly / monthly basis to be mentally, physically and emotionally fit? Your self-care routine is essential for your own wellbeing. Find things in line with your values so that you want to do them rather than feel an obligation to do them
Think about how to fit it into your schedule? Where might you be able to stack the habit on top of an existing one? Where do you need flexibility? Start small
What are your other goals or hobbies that you’d like to do? What would you like to get out of the activity – meeting new people, getting into flow? Think about what you’d love to do rather than what you have to do?
Schedule your me-time in your diary as you would any other social engagements
Be mindful about pockets of time during the day, if you are waiting for a friend, you could use that time to meditate or read a book rather than getting your phone out
When a social engagement comes in, consider it holistically. I used to check my diary and see if I was free and if so, accept. Now I consider my whole week – my goals and priorities for the week, whether I have a lot of work on, what time I need for myself, whether this is in line with how I’d like to spend my time
If you are saying no, always be respectful but remember that in many instances, you don’t need to justify your response. I used to spend a long time crafting a long message to a vague acquaintance about why I couldn’t make something when a polite, I’m sorry I’m not free would have been sufficient
If like me you love a bit of spontaneity, build some buffer into your schedule
What lockdown has taught us is that we can chat in a variety of ways so if you are not up to meeting someone, think about connecting with them in a different way that will work for you

Life has got busier, the choices we have can be over-whelming, so take the time to be clear on what you’d like to achieve and respectfully say no to things that aren’t in line with that [cue the Grange Hill rap].

Creativity for personal growth

Mon, 24 Aug 2020 15:13:00 GMT

I recently heard creativity described as ‘the adventure of trying something new’. I love the idea of embracing creativity for yourself and your own personal growth, rather than always associating it with your role or new ideas for work.

Last week, as part of a local arts project, I was asked to write a monologue about my lockdown experience. My personality is an even split of organisational and creative, however I was still surprised that in a few hours I managed to write poetry as I would not have included that in my skillset. And yet I used to do that regularly at primary school, but it’s as if over the years, we choose a path and all these other fun creative activities drop away and are forgotten. I found the experience cathartic as well as hugely enjoyable and this one exercise not only inspired me, but seemed to unlock more creativity as I progressed through the week with more confidence tackling projects that had seemed difficult and opening myself up to more opportunities. I was even stopped in the street because my purple hair was perfect for a TV advert (I’ve not been cast yet but here’s hoping!).

So how do we open ourselves up to more creativity?

Do something for yourself and take the pressure off by not worrying about the outcome or what anyone else thinks. We often carry limiting beliefs about not being creative which can prevent us doing things we love or things that can help us grow
Be curious – take the time to discover and take in what’s around you. Walk a different route, look at the trees, read something new, visit museums
Give your brain, time to relax. I often have my best thoughts when I am swimming, when I am relaxed and in flow
Put some constraints in place to help with your creativity – give yourself half an hour to write a poem or key words that you need to incorporate. You may have heard of Brian Eno and Peter Schmidt’s oblique strategies cards that promote creativity by suggesting a course of action to take in a creative situation
Alternatively take constraints away – if money wasn’t a worry, what’s your dream job? Allowing the mind to wander without assumptions, beliefs and constraints can lead to some interesting discoveries
Engage in debate with people who have different perspectives. We all gravitate towards our ‘tribe’ but cognitive diversity is great for widening your perspective and getting you to think differently
Change the physical space you are in. My energy levels shift significantly from sitting to standing. Or choosing a different location from usual to see what it might inspire

By opening ourselves up to creativity, we grow and learn more about ourselves, we can celebrate our uniqueness, we gain confidence, we see things from a different perspective which in turn helps with our problem-solving abilities. All of which can enrich our personal and professional lives. We just need to take the plunge. As Joseph Chilton Pearce said,

“To live our creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong”

My Life Story

Tue, 11 Aug 2020 07:45:00 GMT

Whilst catching up on my daily dose of pop trivia on PopMaster, I was struck by the fact that when we meet someone new, invariably the question is ‘What’s your job?’ or ‘Do you have a family?’ Our own assumptions about how they fit into social norms come into play, whether that’s conscious or not. Colleagues who had a career break have told me that being a full-time parent can sometimes feel like an inadequate response. And I’ve witnessed this myself, when I was asked which events I am delivering, it felt like a failure to say I was working on developing new business. Over the years, as I continue to take a slightly unconventional career path, I’ve become more comfortable with defining my story based on where I am and where I want to go. How can we reflect and build our own stories and how can we be more open when we meet others?

In the current times, more of us may face a transition in life. Transitions and change sound scary, however there is an opportunity to reframe it as a time for reflection and renewal. The exciting revelation for me was that we’re not stuck with the same story! I spend 20 years with the story that ‘I was rubbish at sport’ and yet the moment I decided to do sport for my own mental health and enjoyment, the by-product was that I got better. It sounds so simple, but we have stories from childhood, or social norms and beliefs we feel we should adhere to, when deep down it may not be what we really want.

When writing your story, think about what’s important to you – when do you feel fulfilled? Are there values that are important to you? Which parts of your life are you happy with and what would you like to change? What’s stopping you doing what you really want to do? Let go of parts of your story that are not useful to you and think about how your story can help you grow and move forward. Dan McAdams, a psychology professor says you have to “believe your story – but also embrace how it changes over time, according to what you need it to do. Try out new stories about yourself, and keep editing them, as much as you would your résumé.” I love this concept of rewriting it as much as your CV. I also know that during a transition, meeting someone new can be easier as they don’t have your backstory so you can start afresh but it is still possible to re-write it with colleagues that know you, with some self-belief and courage.

On the flipside, think about your interactions with new people. How can you ask more open questions? I think it’s lovely to share books or podcasts that you have enjoyed as finding common ground, values and shared interests is a great way to start a conversation. Ask people what they love doing rather than what they do. Most of all, try to put aside your own assumptions and go in with an open mindset. It may even spark some ideas for your own story.

We all have different stories and that’s what makes the world so rich. Let’s embrace that and the discomfort that comes with it, view it as an opportunity to grow and you never know, you may actually have fun rewriting the next chapter of your life!

Progress over perfection

Thu, 23 Jul 2020 17:25:00 GMT

When I was a teenager, I used to cut out the song lyrics from Smash Hits and file them alphabetically (don’t judge me!). My biggest fear was when they printed lyrics on both sides as my system would not be perfect. I found a work around, but the frustration of imperfection was there.

Why do many of us strive for perfection? Sometimes it’s for our own personal satisfaction and with that comes a feeling of incompleteness if it’s not as perfect as we might have liked. Other times it could be a fear of what others might think – I’m sure I’m not the only one to do shame cleaning before someone visits. Or perhaps we feel obliged to over-deliver and exceed expectations, wrapped up in imposter syndrome. For others it might be the fact that we don’t want to show signs of weakness or vulnerability.

Perfection is hard to define – it’s different to each of us. There might be a healthier way to approach projects, in the knowledge that we’re better off doing the best we can and moving forward rather than striving for ‘perfection’ which may not be achievable through no fault of our own.

Take time to understand where your need from perfection is coming from? Is it your own personal need for completion versus beliefs around what others expect of you? How might you have a healthier relationship with these beliefs?
Be clear on your objectives and outcomes expected
Ensure that your stakeholders are clear on what you are delivering and if it is work in progress, make that explicit
Understand other parameters e.g timescales, Stakeholder views. Parameters may, in fact, lead to more creativity as you are forced to think differently. Even if there are no client parameters, it may be worth setting time limits to focus your thinking
Know what you have control over and try to let go of what’s not in your control (easier said than done she says still talking about a filing system from the 80s!!)
Think about the other demands on you and the best way to get the project done – this may involve delegating, setting time limits in the knowledge that it will be the best you can do when the project is considered holistically
Consider when another perspective might be beneficial, particularly if you are working on your own and you may not be able to see the wood for the trees
Be aware of the costs of over-delivering, not only financial but on your other work, time, mental health, work-life balance and make a conscious decision about how much time you would like to dedicate to it
Often something less than the finished article can spark further discussion or collaboration so don’t be afraid to use work as a springboard
Take feedback on board in a constructive fashion and don’t beat yourself up about it
Be upfront about areas where you may need support as people will value your honesty
If you are pleased with a piece of work and feel it has met your objectives, then don’t feel the need to pour more hours into it. The value of work is in the outcome not the hours spent
Remember that your imperfect might be your client’s perfect (and vice versa!)

Ask yourself, have I done the best I can in the current circumstances? As my old boss used to say, JFDI and you will have taken a step forward towards your goal.

Should I stay or should I go?

Wed, 08 Jul 2020 09:41:00 GMT

n 2014, a 48-hour tube strike in London closed 50% of the network and commuters were forced to find new routes to work. Surprisingly, a study by the economists Ferdinand Rauch, Shaun Larcom and Tim Willems showed that after the strike, one in 20 people stuck to their new route. Many of us are creatures of habit, yet when obstacles are put in our way, this often leads to great things. We are in an unfamiliar situation and therefore forced to stay alert, concentrate the mind and explore things with a fresh approach.

Lockdown has been a different experience for each of us. Personally, I have enjoyed the enforced slow down, reflection time and connecting more with my local community (admittedly I am not wrestling with home schooling which I know for many has been anything but a slow down!). I appreciate parks on my doorstep, I’ve had time to think about what’s important, focussed on developing new areas of my business and formed a new routine based on what I have been able to do. The human ability to adapt is incredible and with that comes a huge amount of learning and discovery. Adopting a growth mindset allows us to look at everything that is thrown at us as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Perhaps the removal of FOMO (fear of missing out) has also played its part. It’s unusual to have a universal situation where we have all lost that overwhelming choice of what to do which fills a lot of people with fear and indecision about making the right choice. It has become more JOMO (joy of missing out) where enforced time at home has been an opportunity to catch up on my backlog of books, box sets and learning which has been a lovely experience.

As lockdown eases, we are all faced with choices again. Choices about where and when to go out. Perhaps a desire to throw ourselves into life to catch up on everything we have missed out on. But before you do, have a think about how you’d like to spend your time and in particular whether there is anything from lockdown that you would like to keep:

Before committing to engagements, consider what’s important to you that week. How many nights would you like to yourself? Are there hobbies or other interests you would like to pursue? Are you likely to have a hectic time at work and therefore need more relaxation time? Is a group meet up what you need, or would you prefer one on one time?
Don’t be afraid to say no to things that aren’t right for you but think about how you can deliver that message in a respectful way
Are there any good habits from lockdown that you would like to hold on to? How can you incorporate them into your new routine? One of the easiest ways to do this is to stack it on top of an existing habit.
Understand your own level of comfort about doing certain things – for some of us, the thought of being in a crowded pub is not appealing and that’s ok
Be respectful of other people’s boundaries and levels of comfort
Lockdown has shown us that we can stay connected to people in a number of ways. If you are unable to meet someone face-to-face, think about how else you can connect with them
I have been overwhelmed with how kind people have been through lockdown and try to repay this by doing something good each week, no matter how busy things get. It can be something as simple as smiling at a stranger (I need no encouragement myself to chat to strangers!)

We can all make choices based on what’s important to us and with this comes an opportunity to learn and grow and hold on to some of the good habits from lockdown.

To do or not to do

Tue, 23 Jun 2020 08:43:00 GMT

A couple of days before a big event, I am forced to review my to do list and make a conscious decision about what is achievable in the time frame. It inevitably leads to a culling – those extra special touches that I had wanted to do over and above the brief to add something to the event. The perfectionist in me used to struggle with this but over the years, I have learnt to let go and realise that I have a finite deadline and need to focus on the positive.

A lot of us can feel overwhelmed by our to do lists with a constant sense of being out of control. What can we do to improve the process?

Understand the bigger picture of your list – have some goals for the week or months ahead. I find it helpful to identify the top five things I have to get done in the week
Build some flexibility into your schedule. There will be unexpected things to deal with so come up with a list that will allow you time and space to deal with those unplanned interactions
Get other stuff out of your head – Dave Allen, in his book ‘Getting Thing Done’ calls this his someday/maybe list. By capturing it somewhere, it frees your brain space and you can choose to review it every six months and may well find that some things will naturally fall off the list (I’m still not a darts champion)
Review your bigger goals and identify the tangible next step that you can achieve in the next week or two. The goals will start to feel more manageable
Include time for yourself within your list – I find incorporating this with work tasks means I can look at the week holistically rather than trying to shoehorn self-care around work commitments
Have some review points or deadlines – if something constantly gets transferred on my to do list for months on end, I ask myself how important is it? And if it is important, what’s stopping me from doing it?
Have a clear prioritisation for your list and beware of completion bias where we tend to turn to easy tasks when we are stressed for the satisfaction of ticking things of the list (I know I do this!)
Let go of the impossible – understand which parts of the process are within your control and which parts are out of your control
Look at ways to be more efficient by using pockets of time throughout the day. Dave Allen suggests grouping lists by activities e.g. phone calls, then if you are early for a meeting, you can make a few calls by skipping through that list and your brain is in one mode rather than multitasking
Be conscious of how you spend your leisure time. We can easily spend time on social media without realising two hours have passed and we haven’t touched the hobby we wanted to start
Structure your lists in a way that works for you – mind mapping, linear lists, bullet journals, electronic lists – our brains process things in different ways
Learn to say no – it is not possible to do everything and we have to make choices and/or have conversations with people about what is achievable
Accept the fluidity of life – we may never get that completion that we crave as life is constantly changing.

We rarely get to the end of our lists but by giving them some clear focus, being conscious about how you spend your time, learning to say no and by letting go of things, we can strive for a better balance.

Be Here Now

Tue, 09 Jun 2020 11:54:00 GMT

I only had to watch my attempt the other day to run and chat to know that multitasking leads to a drop in productivity – both my level of banter and quality of running suffered significantly! Yet in recent years, it feels like it has become a badge of honour to say how busy we are. In the last 18 months as I chose to develop some new strands of business, this involved time out from delivering and I often felt as if I was being judged for slowing down to think about where I wanted to be.

The pandemic has been an opportunity for many of us to refocus and re-evaluate, with a change in pace and enforced time at home. For me, it has also coincided with time studying for my coaching diploma. During our coaching practice, we were advised to avoid note-taking and instead give our client our full attention. I realised how much of a comfort blanket it is to take notes, so this felt very exposing. However, when I did actively listen and give someone my full attention, it was a much more meaningful exchange. I could not only pick up on language, but also intonation, pace, body language and my own emotional reaction to what was being said.

It’s a similar thing when watching a programme with subtitles. Whilst it feels like harder work, it does force you to put your phone down and focus on the programme without distractions and I find I am more absorbed and get more from it. On the flip side, when I want the TV as background to carrying out chores, then something like Columbo is ideal as you already know who the murderer is, so there is very little commitment required!

The next time you are speaking to a family member, friend or colleague, think about how you can commit to the exchange

Give yourself a moment to prepare and clear your mind
Put your phone away, turn off notifications and emails so that you can focus
Slow down and go with the natural flow of the conversation
Trust yourself to be in the moment and to know what to do
Ask lots of open-ended questions
Resist the urge to always relate what is said to your own experiences – sometimes there is more power in allowing someone to share and to listen without judgement or advice
React to what you hear. Asking someone how they are and finding out it’s tough will influence where you take the conversation
If you can’t give someone your full attention, let them know and suggest an alternative time

At the heart of coaching, is the focus on your client. I love this concept of going into exchanges and thinking it’s not about me. It allows you to go in with a more generous outlook, to understand what’s going on and get in tune with someone. You may need to commit more time to it but for me the pay-off is worth it – stronger relationships and feeling energised by deeper conversations.

Sweet little lies

Wed, 27 May 2020 14:30:00 GMT

We’ve all told those white lies – we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, we’d rather avoid confrontation, it doesn’t fit with our professional persona or we want to paint a better picture of our life. Are those lies as harmless as we think? Is there another way of approaching those situations?

Recent research by Julia J Lee at al suggests that by behaving dishonestly we are less able to read other people and be empathetic, which in turn can make it harder to build good relationships. When behaving dishonestly, there is a tendency to dehumanize people and distance ourselves from others which makes it far harder to judge people’s emotions.

A few years’ ago, I read Sarah McKnight’s book – “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” I was seeking more balance and needed to be able to say no to things. The biggest lesson I took from the book was whilst you should always be respectful, telling the truth in the right way can often lead to a better outcome. Shortly after reading it, I received an email asking me why I hadn’t responded to a new business tenders list. My instinct was to apologise and say I hadn’t looked at it yet. The truth was that my new business approach was to go through channels where I had existing relationships and therefore the tender list wasn’t right for me at the time. After some reflection, I wrote a carefully worded email with my honest answer and received a lovely response and ensured that I no longer received irrelevant emails. A bit of courage and a carefully worded communication led to a better outcome.

So next time you are thinking about telling a white lie, have a think before you do it:

What’s stopping me telling the truth?
What are the benefits of telling the truth?
Is it about my own vulnerabilities? What will happen if I am more honest about my lack of knowledge / uncertainties?
Is someone else affected by this and can I take their feelings into account?
What do I know about the person I am communicating with and can I adapt my style for their benefit?
What’s the best way to communicate – where, when and how?

I’m not saying this will always be possible and I certainly don’t want to be responsible for family fallouts about whether someone looks good in an outfit! However, I do think that pausing for thought before acting, having some courage, and thinking harder about how to communicate can build trust and ultimately lead to stronger relationships.

In praise of the vulnerable

Wed, 13 May 2020 11:51:00 GMT

For so many years, I was the positive, calm, happy person whether at work or socially, often running the show or looking after everyone. It was as if I was afraid of breaking out of that role, even though that wasn’t always how I was feeling.

I thought I had a high level of Emotional Intelligence and whilst my social awareness and how I managed relationships was pretty good, my self-awareness was neglected as I tended to suppress any negative emotions without exploring them.

A few years ago, I let friends know that I was having a tough time. It felt like a difficult thing for me to do, as if I were letting them down with the image of who I was supposed to be. Of course, I was met with nothing but love, formed stronger connections with those friends and felt a huge sense of relief.

I was then delayed at the airport with some clients after a long day of meetings and as we shared a drink, we chatted about our lives outside of work. And whilst I still like to maintain a healthy line with clients and work colleagues, it did feel as if we connected on a human level and subsequent work interactions were more meaningful.

The old school view of leaders being strong and not showing emotions is a little outdated. A level of vulnerability within the right context can show people your human side and offer a way to connect more meaningfully with colleagues. Being vulnerable is being self-aware and if you can express that vulnerability in the right setting, it can be powerful.

In a work environment, being open about gaps in your knowledge can demonstrate where you need to call on experts. Increasingly we cannot be experts in everything, yet you can still be a great leader and coach your expert colleagues. I ran a River Pageant with no prior knowledge of boats and the river!

Admitting to staff that the latest employee you hired isn’t right, shows honesty and transparency and a desire to constantly improve things.

Every time, I have put myself out there and spoken about how I’m feeling, I’ve always formed deeper relationships. And whilst it used to be only be with close friends, I am finding that I am connecting with new people much quicker because of a willingness to be more vulnerable. It also tends to provoke an open and honest response as you are inviting others into an open space.

Talking or writing about fears and concerns has helped me to clarify what is really going on and see what I can and can’t control. It has given me a clearer focus on where to put my energy.

It has pushed me to be more courageous – for me, sport has always been a big fear and when I talk about this, it gives me the courage to realise what I’m afraid of but also see the good that will come of putting myself into my discomfort zone. Invariably by talking about it, I don’t feel so alone as I realise that others often share my fears.

I read a quote in The Guardian which was related to online dating however I think it is true in all areas of our lives:

“It requires courage, resilience and willpower. Being yourself and opening yourself up to the universe, whatever it chooses to give back, is something I will continue to embrace”

The post In praise of the vulnerable appeared first on Zebra .

Knowing me, before knowing you… looking after yourself in lockdown

Wed, 29 Apr 2020 13:48:00 GMT

My favourite thing to come out of lockdown is a playlist that I’m doing with a group of friends. Each morning, one of us adds a new tune to the playlist and the only criteria is that it brings us joy – it’s like a musical Advent calendar and you never quite know what you’ll get. As my friend commented today, “Where else do T-Rex, Saint Vincent and B*Witched happily rub shoulders against each other?” Such a simple idea has brought us a lot of joy – we feel a stronger connection to each other and the music itself has a very uplifting quality with, of course, an opportunity to dance!

As most of us face a change in routine and less opportunity to leave the house, our self-care routine is likely to have been affected at the very time when looking after yourself and finding joy is so important. So why not think about what you can do to establish a new routine?

I’d encourage you to take time to reflect on how you are feeling and write it down or chat to a friend about it. There is no right or wrong response but what is important is that you acknowledge how you are feeling
Accept that some of your old self-care routine is probably not possible right now, due to practicalities or new responsibilities. Accepting what we cannot control can help us to move forward and focus on where we can control or influence a situation
Think about something simple that you can do for yourself and how you can build it into an existing routine e.g. deep breathing whilst making your morning cup of tea. Habit-stacking is one of the easiest ways to embed a new habit
Decide how you would like to nurture relationships – Video calls aren’t the only way to communicate with people. A phone call can be less pressurised, and people tend to listen more attentively or sending a message or card can work equally as well. Or I would highly recommend a playlist with friends!
Don’t be afraid to turn things down – we can’t do everything, so we have to make choices about what we need right now. It may seem hard to say no to friends as the white lie about I’m already out is not going to cut it! However, those that really matter in your life will understand
Talk to friends about what you need – you may be invited on a group call but if you prefer a one-to-one chat with someone, let them know
Ask others how you can support them – this is new territory for everyone so it may not be obvious how to support someone
Look for the smaller random moments which can bring just as much joy – listening to a song or greeting a stranger from afar in the park can lift your spirits for the day
Try not to worry about what everyone else is doing – I haven’t done any baking yet either
Most of all be kind to yourself

This morning was my turn on the playlist and as it’s hump day I thought some Irish dancing was in order to lift our spirits, so the song choice was C’est La Vie by B*Witched.

Facing the fear of feedback

Tue, 14 Apr 2020 13:46:00 GMT

Fellow Brits amongst you will appreciate the many articles about when a Brit says “Very interesting”, a Brit often means “This is clearly nonsense”. Culturally British politeness sometimes stops us giving honest feedback but it’s not exclusive to us. Why do we shy away from both giving and receiving feedback?

Traditionally feedback has been associated with purely negative feedback and is often built up to be a big moment in an annual review. We are often worried about hurting someone’s feeling – sometimes too much self-awareness and empathy works against us! On the flipside, receiving negative feedback has been taken as an attack on the individual, rather than an opportunity to grow.

HBR research suggests that employees would prefer candid honest feedback; giving and receiving feedback is more important than ever right now. We’ve lost some of the social norms and we’re operating in a very different environment. Whether it’s dealing with your housemates in close quarters or colleagues at work, having an open environment where feedback is welcome, can only be a good thing.

Make feedback the norm – regular positive and negative feedback so that it breaks the discomfort and people are more likely to respond well
Coach colleagues on how to give better feedback

When giving feedback:

Rehearse beforehand and be clear on what you want cover
Be specific, direct and honest – give concrete examples of situations, identifying the behaviour and the impact of the behaviour on others or the project. Do this for positive as well as negative feedback as people learn from understanding specifically what they did well or badly
Choose how and when to communicate it – whilst a lot of feedback is best delivered one-to-one in a safe environment, there are also times in groups when behaviour should be called out on the spot to set the right tone and culture
Approach the conversation with empathy – be sensitive to how the other person is likely to react
Think about the person in question and whether you need to adapt how you deliver the feedback for it to be received more effectively
Pick up on how they are reacting to the feedback and adapt accordingly
Allow them time to respond and listen to what they are saying
Discuss a way forward and coach them into coming up with their own specific solutions
Agree a follow up and acknowledge that some people may want to reflect on the feedback and discuss it further – be generous with your time to get the best result
Be respectful throughout the conversation

If you are receiving feedback:

Be open and listen to what is being said
Understand the facts and ask for clarity
Thank the person for the feedback
Reflect on it afterwards and follow up
See it as an opportunity to grow

Feedback is essential to create a place of curiosity and learning, where things can improve and people can grow so let’s step into our discomfort zone, practice empathy, celebrate the good, be respectful, specific and honest when delivering negative feedback and try to receive feedback in the spirit in which it is intended.

Nurturing your culture in a virtual world

Tue, 31 Mar 2020 12:35:00 GMT

As teams around the world are settling into a working from home culture, there is certainly no shortage of collaboration and video conferencing tools to make this work from a technical point of view. For it to be truly effective, I do think we need to think about the culture and values that we want to instil in our teams.

I’ve run events with teams in offices and with virtual teams. Both can be equally as effective when there is good communication and understanding between team members. In a virtual world, this may require adapting some of your existing behaviours.

Remind everyone of the culture and values – these still hold true in a virtual world, but we need to be more sensitive. What might have been innocent office banter, may feel more like bullying in an online chat environment. Daniel Goleman refers to this as cyber dis-inhibition. Don’t shy away from establishing what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour and acknowledge that this may evolve over time
Motivating your team and making them feel valued is essential in a time of uncertainty. Think about how to actively do this through team meetings, celebrating successes, praising colleagues and social moments
Understand how you are feeling about the situation. We have all been affected by the pandemic in different ways. Identify what’s affecting you and causing you stress and think about who you can talk to and any coping mechanisms that might help
Communicate more and be succinct. When teams are virtual, you lose the signals of body language and tone of voice and there may also be an assumption that someone else will pick up a request on email. Do not assume that something has taken place and establish communication norms – asking people to acknowledge requests and give an eta for delivery is a useful way of stopping people worrying about whether an email has got lost in the ether!
Choose your communication style based on what you are communicating and who you are communicating to. Just because you are not sat next to someone, don’t become lazy about your communication style – think carefully about how to communicate most effectively and with empathy
On the flip side, recognise that written text can come across more negatively than it is intended, so when you are on the receiving end try not to be too sensitive to what might be a neutral email
Don’t let things stew – if you are upset by a communication, be sure to follow up with a colleague to understand how you can resolve it and work better together going forward
Think about careful curation of group video chats – it requires more facilitation to involve everyone and ensure people are not talking over others
Recognise that video calls take up a lot of energy. I find that it requires more performance to get your style across and there is less nuanced feedback from others so do give you and your team enough time to recharge between calls
Be aware of team members’ different personalities and social styles – some may be thriving in a virtual environment whereas others may be struggling. Ensure you have an ‘open door’ policy to actively listen and check in with team members on a regular basis. Choose group communication tools that will work for all team members

Everyone is different and we all have our own worries so the best thing we can do is understand ourselves, be true to our values, show empathy to our colleagues, be kind and adapt our behaviour to support each other in the best possible way.

Building resilience in a world of uncertainty

Thu, 12 Mar 2020 09:19:00 GMT

The world of events is pretty tough at the moment – I’m not alone in being hit with event postponements due to the coronavirus. And as I was working out how to respond to it all, I’ve learnt a few things about myself and building my resilience:

I realised that I could not control the situation I was in and there was a need to accept it. We often waste a lot of energy on things where we have no control
What I could control was how I reacted to the situation and a big thing for me is ensuring that I interact with clients and suppliers in a way that is true to my values – acting professionally and with integrity, respect and empathy no matter how difficult the situation
I also found it useful to untangle and process the different emotions that I was feeling –whilst some of it was financial, actually a larger part was sadness about not being able to throw myself into the last few weeks of a creative production. I realised that I could use that creative energy elsewhere on other projects
My self-care routine is ingrained in my life and I know that’s it more important than ever at times like this when under stress – exercise, self-reflection whatever you need to be mentally and physically fit
A day after my event postponement I was volunteering, and it really put things in perspective for me – a daily practice of gratitude has been helpful in keeping me grounded
My business keeps evolving and events is now one part of what I do and this ability to constantly improvise and evolve is useful in the face of adversity. What else can I offer? How can I adapt what I do?

I know I can’t control what’s happening in the world, but I’d like to keep a positive mindset and believe that something good will come out of all the activity that I am now throwing myself into instead.

Ripping up the Rosie rules of life? Learning to improvise

Thu, 13 Feb 2020 09:12:00 GMT

I love organising whether that’s my own life, my friends or events and I have a rule for everything. Yet what I have learnt is that the most meaningful exchanges with friends, colleagues or clients come from improvising. When we go into a situation and instead of pushing through our pre-determined agenda, we listen, adapt and improvise based on the signals that we get from others.

Improvisation may fill a lot of you with dread. We’re hardwired to plan; planning is good and it’s scary when we don’t know what we will face. However, I do think that you can plan to improvise and equip yourselves with the tools that means you go into situations more prepared.

So how do you plan for it?

Before any exchange, think about the people involved. What are their motivations? How will they react to your goal? Do you have any flexibility in what you are trying to achieve or in how it is achieved? What do you know about the personalities and social styles you are dealing with?
During the exchange, really listen to what’s going on. Pick up on other visual and tonal cues to get behind the emotions in the room. Be aware of your own emotions and how you respond to them. Adapt your behaviour based on what you hear or see.
After the exchange, think about how it went. How did you feel? How did the others react? What went well? What could you have done differently? What have you learnt?
Encourage a culture of regular feedback – good as well as constructive feedback and make it specific so that people feel supported and can constantly grow

In a world where everyone is busy, technology is making us do things quicker and multi-tasking has become a badge of honour, when it comes to human interaction, I would encourage you to do the opposite:

Slow down
Don’t make assumptions about yourself, others and situations – these are constantly changing depending on stress levels, fatigue, the project in hand, group dynamics. Go into situations with an open mind
Listen – really listen to what’s going on
Improvise based on what you hear and the signals that you are receiving

It can be scary, we have to be a bit more vulnerable, step out of our comfort zone but you can equip yourself with all the tools, and if you do, you will form stronger relationships and get better outcomes. I won’t be ripping up the rules of life but will make sure that sometimes the rule is simply to improvise!

What’s your story for 2020?

Tue, 17 Dec 2019 15:53:00 GMT

My 2019 started with a new year’s resolution to see more live music. A more joyful resolution than others. It has been a journey of discovery, everything from folk to classical to surfer rock and certainly very good for the soul.

It then turned into a year of self-discovery and self-care. I have learnt over the years that I’m great at looking after others but haven’t always taken care of myself. However self-care has now become an important part of my regime.

2019 also became the year I decided to re-write my story. My story since school has been ‘I’m rubbish at all sport’ It has defined me for over 40 years, and I wanted to change that. I read somewhere that you should re-write your story as often as you re-write your CV – I love that as we are so often defined by our stories and unless we re-write them, we cannot grow and develop. I didn’t want to be rubbish at sport; I’ve been envious of those people who can go to the park with a group of friends for a game of rounders – the very thought fills me with dread! I decided to confront it, step into my discomfort zone. I set foot in a gym for the first time in my life and I also took up playing darts and competed in a tournament in Torremolinos after playing for just 4 weeks.

I learnt that it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and most people are too self-absorbed to worry about whether I’m good or not at the activity in question!

So when it comes to writing your resolutions for 2020, why not make it something that will last:

What do you want your story to be?
Find something that you want to do rather than something you have to do – if it’s in line with your values, then it is more likely to be successful
Think about what you want to get out of each activity – learning something new, meeting people, relaxation
Be curious
Don’t worry about what others think
Be more conscious about how you spend your time. It has become a badge of honour to say we are busy, yet the average adult finds time to spend 3 hours 15 minutes a day on their phone so you can make time for the important stuff
Be flexible to work around your other commitments
Find pockets of time within your day that could be used for a hobby – I always arrive at meetings 15 minutes early so that time could be used for reading rather than the default option of getting the phone out.

How we spend our time outside work is important for well-being and happiness, so pick the right story for you in 2020.

Enjoy the silence – the fine balance between coach and expert

Mon, 18 Nov 2019 17:54:00 GMT

I’ve always loved the fact that I run events on subject matters that I know nothing about, whether that’s boats on the Thames, insurance or private equity. The ability to immerse yourself in something new and turn it into a creative event is always such a fun challenge, as long as you know the right questions to ask.

And evidence suggests that in this rapidly changing digital world, more leaders and managers are faced with situations where they don’t have all the answers. Itay Talgam in his book ‘The Ignorant Maestro’ actively encourages us all to embrace ignorance as a way of unlocking new thinking and creativity.

The ability to coach and use softer skills is therefore becoming increasingly important and the key is to strike a balance between coaching and using your expertise. Supporting colleagues, asking questions and facilitating development can be really powerful rather than the more traditional directive method of management, whilst recognising when advice or direction is helpful or necessary. Coaching can be thought of in terms of the information that the coach puts in and the energy and potential that the coach can unlock in someone. Unless you are in a formal coaching session, the likelihood is a blend of the two and whilst our natural instinct might be to relate back to ourselves, our own examples and tell people what to do, I’d encourage you all to start, where possible, from a more non-directive coaching standpoint where you can encourage and support peers to unlock the answers for themselves.

Ask lots of open-ended questions – remember TED: T ell Me, E xplain to me, D escribe to me
Take the time to really listen without responding or making judgements
Think about the best form of coaching to support your colleague to the right outcome

By empowering our colleagues through coaching, we can create an energised workforce and inspire an environment full of creativity and learning.

20 years older…20 years wiser?

Fri, 01 Nov 2019 12:16:00 GMT

Today, 20 years ago, I started my career in the events industry. It’s hard to believe how technology has evolved in that time. Gone are the days of flicking through the Blue and Green Conference book to find a venue for a client, the excitement of when a fax arrived and the novelty of getting my first mobile phone, several months into the job. And whilst technology has helped us to work smarter, I do think that 20 years ago, human interaction was at the centre of everything we did and this is as important today as it was back then, so let’s not ditch all of our old skool ways.

There was a certain formality to meetings and communications from preparation, setting agendas to how you dressed. I’m all for ditching the stuffy suits but I do think that a certain level of formality brings a clear purpose to communications. Things are thought through and well crafted (why not when you used to have until 5pm to send it to make the evening post!). When you are communicating, take the time to pause and reflect. What would you like to achieve? Who else is involved and what are their motivations and concerns? What is the most appropriate form of communication given everything you know about the content and people involved?
In the olden days before PowerPoint was so readily used in business, we would ask speakers to write a script which we would storyboard to create relevant, creative and highly impactful slides for the event that truly supported the script. Just because we can all use PowerPoint now, it doesn’t mean we are the best person to do it. My Top Gun ice bucket challenge film made me chuckle but I’m still no Steven Spielberg or Tony Scott! Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, think about the best use of your time and use experts around you to get the best results.
Life was simpler 20 years ago – you made a plan to meet someone and you couldn’t bail out as there was no way of contacting them on the day. Nowadays everyone says they’re busy and there are more distractions so it’s important to remember what’s important to you and to prioritise, as well as being respectful to other people. I’m fiercely loyal to people when I have made commitments and in the past this has meant that I have over-committed myself so I’ve learnt to pause and reflect, look at my commitments and goals for the whole week before committing to something so that I can stay loyal to people but also to what is important in my life.
What I loved 20 years ago was the frequency of face-to-face communications. Let’s not forget this – the value of picking up the phone, getting to know people, looking them in the eye. Using empathy to understand what’s going on – it’s not to say it can’t be done via text or email but there are more signals in tone of voice, body language and facial expressions. Let’s not hide behind the tech if a solution can be reached quicker with another form of communication.

20 years on, I still love my job, I love how it’s evolved but most of all I love that I can still embrace the art and joy of human connections.

Are you a stand-up chameleon?

Tue, 08 Oct 2019 16:41:00 GMT

If I had to pick whether I am an extrovert or introvert, I’d pick extrovert. I certainly thrive in the company of others and can’t walk to the tube station without making a friend along the way! However, there are other elements of my personality that would suggest otherwise. I’m very law-abiding and rules driven, I still have a fear of throwing myself into physical sport and I do find that most work problems and proposals are better solved when I have thinking time on my own.

Whilst it is great to know your traits, we all have a bit of everything in us. The skill is in how well we can self-monitor and adapt our behaviour to the situations we are in. I loved hearing this described as being a stand-up chameleon! But how do you stay authentic and true to yourself if you are constantly adapting your behaviour?

Be clear on what your values are and keep these in mind when choosing your reaction to a situation. One of mine is respect and one way of showing this is using empathy to understand others and adapt so that I am mindful of their style
Accept people for who they are and appreciate the strengths that they bring to the relationship. I used to get annoyed that I was often the one organising social events amongst friends when in fact I love doing it and find it far less stressful than some of my more introverted friends, so why not embrace the fact that everyone contributes in different ways based on their personality and social style
Follow your passions – this may often mean pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and doing something you might ordinarily find scary such as public speaking but if you are learning and pursuing your passion, isn’t that worth it?
Make sure you give yourself time to recharge. I am sometimes amazed that a one-hour intense new business meeting could wipe me out for the day because I have been ‘performing’. Know yourself and what you need to recharge to stay on form.

Don’t make assumptions about yourself, others and situations – these are constantly changing depending on stress levels, fatigue, the project in hand, group dynamics. Go into situations with an open mind, be mindful of others and be prepared to be a stand-up chameleon.

Rosie’s rules of life in self-care

Tue, 10 Sep 2019 07:20:00 GMT

I am a creature of habit, to the extent that one of my colleagues coined the phrase Rosie’s rules of life when she worked with me and was astonished at my habit of logging how many times I swim a week, whether I walk 10,000 steps…I could go on as the list is endless!

But what started as a sense of achievement and something to satisfy my list-making obsession, has actually become an important part of my life – self-care, knowing what I need to do each week to feel great mentally and physically. When I took up swimming, I wanted to swim three times a week but struggled for several years to swim the same fixed days each week as invariably I’d have a meeting in Leicester or a breakfast event to go to. One day, I had a light bulb moment and realised that if I planned on a weekly basis, I could look at my diary on a Sunday and choose the days that would work for me. It seems such a simple tweak, but it has revolutionised my routine, making it far more achievable and flexible to fit around other commitments.

For your self-care regime, why not think about:

What works for you – it is different for everyone so work out what you need to do on a daily / weekly / monthly basis
Think about mini-moments throughout the day when you can re-set which could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths, pausing before responding to an aggressive email or taking 5 minutes to go for a walk outside
Build other activities into your schedule on a weekly basis (or a timescale that you know will work with your other commitments)
Think what time of day you favour for activities – I prefer to do exercise in the morning, not least because there is no chance of being tempted out for drinks or dinner and I find it energises me for the day ahead
Talk to your colleagues about what you need so that where possible, meetings and work can be scheduled around your commitments. This won’t always work however I think there is often a reluctance to mention life commitments for the fear that it will appear that we are not committed to our job. We will perform better at work having looked after ourselves
Work out your own form of mindfulness – some people struggle with meditation, but I find swimming and cooking (and mozzarella making) very mindful as I have to focus on the task in hand
Find activities that you want to do, that fit with you values – the moment you are motivated to do it, rather than seeing it as a chore, it is more likely to happen

Most of all be kind to yourself, figure out what works for you and make a commitment to do it – it’s not selfish and it’s what we all need mentally and physically in our hectic world.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you

Wed, 28 Aug 2019 11:04:00 GMT

Last week, I had my first session with a personal trainer and in fact it was the first time in my entire life that I had set foot in a gym. It is ridiculous to think that over 20 years since leaving school, the stigma of being bad at all sports at a very sporty secondary school has stayed with me for so long. And as I am now teaching the value of emotional intelligence, I thought I should explore this within myself.

Self-awareness – understanding our own emotions and choosing how we react to them is so important, but evidence suggests we tend to be a lot harder on ourselves than we would be with other people. I can already hear the voice in my head before my first training session saying, “You’ll be rubbish and won’t be able to do this” So how did I get over this hurdle? The truth is, when I thought about it, this was something I really wanted to do. Yes, I was scared, but knew that I would probably enjoy it if I made myself do it and I had to convince myself that pushing myself to the point of discomfort was no bad thing. I really like Farrah Storr’s take on it in her book The Discomfort Zone. She talks about how we build these things up in our head, and in reality, most activities only have brief moments of discomfort so if we can reframe our thoughts and prepare for those moments, we can move into the discomfort zone and reap all the other benefits.

So next time you are worried about stepping out of your comfort zone:

Go for it – you will thrive!
Identify those brief moments of discomfort and think about how you might be able to handle them
Reframe the nervous energy into excitement (probably still with a bit of fear if you are anything like me!)
Remember you are not alone. I always think I am the only one worried about something, the only one that won’t be any good and yet when you realise others share your fears, it is comforting and can also help to form stronger relationships
Be kind to yourself – think about how you would support a good friend in the same situation

It’s great to be self-aware and know how you are feeling but don’t let that stop you pushing yourself forward, continuing to learn and grow and be curious. And in case you are wondering, I loved my personal training session and will be going back for more sessions.

To pitch or not to pitch… are you a good match?

Tue, 13 Aug 2019 14:31:00 GMT

Have you ever been on a date where the other person constantly talks about themselves and doesn’t ask you a single question? You come away feeling disappointed that they didn’t take the time to get to know you or understand you.

Have you ever read a pitch document where the agency talks endlessly about how great they are and all the brilliant jobs they have done? Of course, we do want to know that the agency is qualified, but I believe the main focus of pitches should be about the client. Using empathy to really put yourself in their shoes, understand them and their issues and show that you can provide a solution to address this. I give you the Rosie rules of life for pitching:

Spend some time deciding whether you are the right company to go for the pitch – Do you have the right experience? Are you the right fit? Is it the type of work you want to do? What’s your budget for pitching? In my experience, this step is often neglected with time and money spent on pitches that weren’t right for you in the first place
If you decide to pitch, put yourself in your client’s shoes – what are their issues? How do they want the audience to feel after this event? What are their criteria for judging the pitch?
If you can have a face-to-face meeting (which you should jump at if you get the chance!), ensure you are using your active listening skills to get to the heart of the brief. It is rare that someone wants the same as last year. Try to understand what’s important, where the business is, the mood, what they have liked in the past and what’s important for this event. Be careful not to make assumptions and keep the conversation open
Think about the insights that you can add to the brief to take it to the next level
Plan the document before diving into the writing
Have one overall writer to keep the tone of voice consistent, even if other people contribute with content
Keep the language simple and straight forward in your response – if you are tripping over words, it is probably too complex
Be honest and show some personality
Get someone external from the pitch team to review the pitch – does it make sense to them? Does it wow them? Does it excite them? If not, don’t be precious, revisit it until everyone is happy

And if you are lucky enough to win, take the time to build a great partnership with the client, to understand them, their needs and how you can work effectively together to deliver a brilliant event

Live event leadership starts with empathy and ends with empathy

Wed, 24 Jul 2019 14:14:00 GMT

I owe the title of this blog to Will Glendinning, Executive Producer and author of The Facts of Live. For those of you that haven’t read the book, it’s a great blueprint for how to produce events to create the greatest value and impact; with my emotional intelligence hat on, I was very excited that Will values empathy, as much as me, within the live events process and I sat down with him to explore this further.

R: Why do you think empathy is so important in live events?

W: Events are extreme situations – you have a fixed deadline, everything keeps changing and you’re usually completely exposed. The only industries I’ve found that operate under similar pressures are the military and emergency services. With so many moving parts, it’s people rather than processes that gets stuff over the line Unless you are getting the best out of people, understanding their point of view and explaining your challenges, you’re not going to get the best results. And if you look at why things go wrong, it’s invariably because people aren’t in tune with each other’s wants and needs and what they really care about.

R: Would you say these relationship skills are as important as technical skills?

W: I think they are more important – it’s everything! Lack of empathy or lack of mutual respect is where things go wrong. Putting the effort in to nurture those relationships is key and people will then support you when things change, as they invariably do. Technical skills can be learnt anywhere but it’s the relationships that really make it work

R: You write about leading a big project means you spend most of the time checking everyone is ok which I can relate to. Do you spend enough time checking you are ok?

W: I’ve often said that looking after everyone else is at the detriment of your own health but actually I really enjoy it so don’t find it that stressful. Having said that, I do think that people need to find whatever works for them, whether that’s exercise, eating out or meditation.

R: What piece of advice would you give to those coming into our industry?

W: When I was 22 and running a huge project, I felt slightly awkward telling all these industry luminaries what to do but my boss gave me a great piece of advice. He said, “All you’re doing is telling the carpenter where to put the window, if you start telling them how to build a window then you have a problem.” Most people are going to know more than you but that doesn’t matter as long as you treat everyone with respect and admit your own failings and things that you don’t know. Having that level of empathy and self-awareness will get you a long way and people will support you to the hilt.

On your next event, don’t forget the Rosie rules of life:

Treat everyone with respect
Think about all your stakeholders (there are lots more than you think!) and consider their objectives and how you can discuss these in a constructive way
Develop the art of listening and be open to alternative solutions that might achieve the same objective
Choose the best form of communication, depending on what you are communicating and to who
Don’t forget yourself. For years, I prided myself on being a calm leader and ensuring everyone in the team was ok but didn’t always ensure that I had an outlet for my stress. That’s now changed so make sure you find something that works for you

Check out Will’s book
http://www.thefactsoflive.com/

Do get in touch with me if you would like to know more about my course on building your influence in events through emotional intelligence

Enjoy this trip…and it is a trip

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 10:56:00 GMT

I’ve always been a firm believer in following your heart and doing what you love and this year as I approach my 20-year anniversary in the industry, I still love what I do but had been feeling like my focus needed to shift a little, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at the time but I knew that there was something. For someone that is so rules driven, I still amaze myself that my career has been so varied, and I continue to put myself in uncomfortable situations, but I think that wanting to find something I love always outweighs the discomfort along the way.

In January this year, I bumped into a lady called Erica Wolfe-Murray. We started talking as we both share a love of swimming (proves my point in my last blog that you should talk to people that are interesting rather than worrying about the immediate business benefit!) Erica was about to launch her book aimed at small businesses called Simple Tips, Smart Ideas. We stayed in touch and I attended a couple of her events and have since read the book and it was a light bulb moment.

The biggest thing that resonated with me was the phrase – your journey is your USP. No-one else has been on that journey. The book took me right back to childhood, primary school and explored what I loved then and what have been common themes throughout my life in terms of passions, work, skills etc

What emerged for me was a realisation that:

I love performing – back to primary school plays, playing in orchestras in my teenage years, speeches at friends’ weddings, teaching peers about the event industry
I love giving back – sharing knowledge, helping others and seeing it come to fruition
Empathy has played a big part in many of the roles I have done
I love learning new things – about myself, about my clients, about my business

So as a result of rewriting my business plan, I have made two big changes to the business. I have launched the training side of the business with a particular focus on how to build your influence through emotional intelligence.

Secondly, I am clearer about the type of event work that I want to go for which plays to my strengths and passions.

Do check out Erica’s book and methodology

http://www.ericawolfemurray.co.uk

So next time you are feeling in need of a refresh, why not take the time out to focus on what you really want:

Be curious, keep learning and exploring who you are and what you want to be
Accept that your professional and personal priorities may change at any point in time so review them regularly
Don’t worry about anyone else’s journey – focus on where you want to be and although it may take some time to get there, it will be worth it
Think about how to diversify to develop a number of different income streams
If you do have a passion, there’s no reason why it can’t also become an income stream
Look for things that bring you joy
And enjoy your journey!

Thank you Erica for the kick start that I needed for the next phase of my business – I’m excited about what the next six months will bring!

Falling in love with networking

Fri, 17 May 2019 12:06:00 GMT

Networking is such a rubbish word. It fills many people with dread so isn’t it time that we thought of it differently? The pressure often comes from the fact that people are looking for new business contacts and business cards and if there’s no ‘obvious’ sign that you might be their next client, they walk away.

But this feels short sighted to me as business comes from the strangest of places but above all from the strength of relationships that you have. My philosophy is about building great relationships first and from that the work will blossom.

So next time you feel like you should be growing your network why don’t you adopt the Rosie rules of life:

Think of meeting new business contacts like going to a party – talk to interesting people and don’t worry about whether there is a clear business link. I love talking to anyone that is passionate about what they do, whatever that is. Their passion is infectious and in no time, you will be as interested as them in the subject!
Find people who you share values with – this is far richer common ground than working in the same industry and opens up fascinating conversations about podcasts you listen to, articles you have read, and your life can be enriched by the exchange of ideas
Think about what you can do for others. I am a big fan of Adam Grant and his work on being a giver in life. Be generous in any way you can – it will build more meaningful relationships and is good for the soul
If you’d like something from someone, think about how to ask – use your empathy to frame it in the right way. People are often flattered to be asked for advice
Be open and aware of others in the room – we have all been in situations where we don’t know anyone and find ourselves alone at an event, so look up and invite people into your conversation. Create a croissant not a doughnut when standing in a group, so that other people are welcome to join
Be polite – if you need to move and speak to someone else, do this politely and thank them for their time. Follow up and thank anyone that gave you advice or that you’d like to stay in touch with.

In my experience, the best business comes from trusted relationships that are built over time. Be patient and make those strong connections and you never know what may come out of it in the future

Bringing joy to the events world

Mon, 29 Apr 2019 13:28:00 GMT

As I sat in the Brick bar last Saturday, surrounded by adults jumping into ball ponds and building lego, I was reminded of a talk I went to and a book I read by Ingrid Fetell Lee called Joyful. Ingrid speaks about embracing the joy in the everyday, whether that’s childlike play, vibrant colours, nature or bubbles, amongst other things.

We are currently surrounded by lots of advice about getting a good work-life balance – embracing self-care practices, meditation, exercise and time out, all of which I think are very important. But the dilemma lies in the constant blurring between work and life so it’s important to make sure our work, as well as play, is joyful.

When I ran the Diamond Jubilee Pageant, we processed a huge number of invoices each week, so to make this more enjoyable, my colleague and I used to make up songs related to each of the invoices (my favourite was Mr. Sandbags!) Approving invoices was never so much fun!

So how can we make the event industry more joyful?

Dress for the joy you want – corporate doesn’t have to mean dull, inject some bright colours into your wardrobe (and even your hair!)
Create an inspiring work environment – we tell our clients that we are leading creatives and yet often our workspaces do not reflect this
Ensure that your clients enjoy meetings with you – so many clients are asked to organise events on top of their day job which can be stressful so the very least you can do is make it a joy for them and guess what…you might enjoy it too!
Develop the art of praising – we love to complain and sometimes forget that praising people is so important. Offer praise and tell people what was good about what they did so that they can build on it for their own personal development
Celebrate successes – however small, celebrate individual and team successes as it makes for a happy and more productive team
Remember your manners – no-one is too busy to say please and thank you
Think about designing event environments that bring you joy – using vibrant colours, light, open space, nature, circles
Inject the element of surprise into your events – through experiences, speakers and content so that delegates come away feeling delighted by the unexpected
Incorporate giving back into your event ethos – one way we do this is by donating our flowers to hospices after the event. It creates a feeling of joy for our staff and the client, knowing that we can do some wider good

And above all smile ��

Avoiding double trouble in the world of darts and events

Wed, 03 Apr 2019 10:31:00 GMT

When you think of darts, you probably conjure up an image of a fun game, down the pub with a fair bit of drinking and I’m sure that’s how I found myself competing in a tournament, having played for just four weeks! And whilst fun and drinking were undeniably involved, what I found was a hugely strategic game and some lessons that I could take back into the events world.

Be prepared

Playing in a tournament was more stressful than most events situations I had been in over the last 20 years…why? I hadn’t practiced enough. Four weeks was not enough to master the art of darts.

Within events, things go wrong so it’s best to rehearse as much as you can beforehand to then give you have the headspace to troubleshoot the unexpected. I rehearse everything from difficult conversations to presentations to running through the event minute-by-minute ensuring we have everything covered. And yes, practice has already started for next year’s tournament to give me a fighting chance!

Ability to assess the current situation quickly

I always thought my mental arithmetic was my strong point, but it was tested to the maximum when I had to work out scores and subtract from the current score to work out what I needed in my next go.

Events are equally fast paced – It’s important to be able to assess the situation and work out what is required with a calm and level head.

Have a strategy and but think about contingency planning

And although you may have your strategy about the next score to hit, things do not always go according to plan. I was in awe of darts players knowing the best checkout to go for – a lot of this was dependent on if you miss the one you are going for, will the number you hit still enable you to checkout.

I spend a lot of time in events interrogating event plans, looking at the event from different perspectives and looking at ‘what if’ scenarios to ensure that we are ready for the unexpected. Even if it hasn’t been covered in your planning, there should be a clear chain of command to ensure that problems are escalated and communicated effectively.

Getting the best out of team members

My first darts game was in the mixed triples competition where I was put in a team with two of the best players in Catalonia. In order to get the best out of the team members, I let one of them throw for the bull rather than me, to give us the best chance of winning!

Within your team in events, everyone has different strengths and it’s important to make the most of these to make the event a success.

Keep learning

On my first day of the tournament playing, a woman who beat me was so supportive of my new-found sport and gave me encouragement and tips throughout the week. I was fascinated learning more about which shots to go for and why.

It’s good to be curious and also aware of where you or your team may need more support or training. That could be anything from a mentor to a training course or shadowing someone else in the team for a day.

Time out from work

Playing darts is strangely meditative. Since getting back from the tournament, I have been practicing every day and I find it a good break from work (along with my swimming!)

Events can be stressful and it’s important that you find your time out from work, whether that’s running in the morning or a quick game of arrows in the evening.

Have fun

I knew I would have fun on my holiday but didn’t quite realise how much fun I would have playing darts and how lovely it was to be welcomed into the darts family. I loved learning something new and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.

I have always loved my job and if I can have some fun whilst doing a brilliant job then why not!

Game on!

Tips straight from the Zebra’s mouth

Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse
Interrogate things from all angles and look at contingency planning
Make the most out of all team members
Make time for yourself
Have fun

Can you talk the stripes off a zebra?

Wed, 09 Jan 2019 16:21:00 GMT

Anyone who knows me will know that I love a chat, whether that’s to a stranger on the tube or a client and whilst you may think this is about your personality type, I do think that we have lost the art of conversation and this can sometimes slow down progress in business.

I spent this Christmas watching The Bridge and even the exceptionally talented Saga Norén realised that she had to try and master the art of small talk (it is perhaps questionable whether she mastered it or not!). Why did she feel the need to do this? Surrounded by all this technology, we sometimes underestimate the value of talking.

I know, I hear you saying, it’s so much quicker to send a WhatsApp or a quick email and then I don’t have to engage for 15 minutes but will you get the same result? Personally, I build up rapport and trust so much quicker through conversations and face-to-face interactions and ultimately that leads to doing a better job. There is a certain nuancing in spoken word which can be lost in messages. It’s also a great opportunity to listen and learn about who you are speaking to – what are they concerned about and how can you help to overcome that? By chatting and learning about personal topics you can also get to know a business colleague better and that will help your working relationship too.

My mantra is if you have to re-write an email three times, then it probably shouldn’t be an email. Don’t use email to shy away from a difficult conversation. By picking up the phone, you can explain your case, gauge reactions and adapt your responses accordingly and it is less likely that the conversation will be misconstrued. By all means follow up afterwards with an email to keep a paper trail. And guess what, you may even enjoy the human reaction which is a bonus!

I also started to think about my personal interactions. I think the death of the landline has made us reticent to call someone on their mobile for a chat, as we feel we might be intruding. But they can choose not to answer, or you can schedule a time to chat as if you were meeting up. Given how busy we all are, meeting up is never as frequent as we might like so the odd conversation goes a long way to keeping in touch.

This type of interaction doesn’t necessarily come naturally to everyone, so it’s up to us to encourage and mentor teams to explore different forms of communication depending on the situation and coach them through how scenarios might play out. In my first events company, we used to rehearse before we went into every client meeting. I remember my boss playing the client and I had to deliver the news that the budget had gone up and by rehearsing it and playing out the different outcomes, it made it so much easier to deliver the real thing (the real client was never as mean as my boss playing the client!). This has stayed with me and I still think through and rehearse conversations which I think is sometimes the barrier that people have to picking up the phone as they worry that they may be put on the spot.

Over time, I’ve learnt to enjoy these interactions and learning to read people and adapt your style and responses to counter their concerns will mean you can reach an outcome a lot quicker than a ping-pong of emails.

So next time your communicating with a colleague, think about what you are trying to achieve and the best communication to do this.

Tips straight from the Zebra’s mouth…

Think about the best form of communication

Adapt your style for different people and different situations

Offer coaching to your team

If in doubt, pick up the phone and have a chat!

Zebra is born

Tue, 13 Nov 2018 11:57:00 GMT

After the River Pageant, I was asked to join an agency called CTN Communications as their Chief Operating Officer (COO). I’d never been on a Board before, and it was a true eye-opener. I learnt so much about running a company, whilst simultaneously building up their events arm. I developed new valuable skills in people development, diplomacy and the financial side of running a company. We also did some pretty cool events like the G8 Summit in Northern Ireland in 2013.

When I left CTN it finally felt like the time was right – I now had 16 years’ events experience behind me AND experience of running a company.

It was time to launch Zebra.

I thought about it a little longer and finally a client of mine said:

You’re better than a lot of people out there – you need to get on and do it.

That was all the encouragement I needed. Zebra was launched. Our website went live in November 2016, and since then it’s been incredible. I love being my own boss. I love making connections with clients, and coming out of meetings feeling like you’ve really added value.

And I love the variety – everyday is different.

I wrote a three-year business plan when I launched. It’s more for me and sometimes you don’t hit all the targets, but it’s great to have something to aim for and something to reflect on over time. It can be lonely running a business on your own and exhausting working on new business. Sometimes you lose perspective so it’s great to share ideas and thoughts with others as they can reassure you that you are on the right lines.

Geekily, I also love learning about my client’s business – it gives you a real insight into a different industry. I enjoy the process of working out how you can bring this to life within the events environment.

Two years down the line, and the company is going strong.

The zebra has finally got its stripes!

Tips straight from the Zebra’s mouth…

The future of events?

You can’t beat face-to-face interaction but with global businesses, this is a massive challenge in terms of the cost and environmental impact of flying people to one location.

We need to embrace technology yet recognise that sometimes face-to-face is the best option to achieve the event objectives. There’s ways of combining the two and I think this will be the future.

The Queen is Coming

Wed, 31 Oct 2018 13:01:00 GMT

The highlight of my freelance career

My freelance career ended on a high when I was asked to work on the Thames Diamond Jubilee River Pageant. I was presented with sketches of boats on the river Thames. At this point, the Pageant was not in the public domain, but I was asked if I would oversee the project and manage all aspects.

At the time, I thought it sounded exciting. Looking back, if I had known how big it was going to become, I may have been daunted by the task in hand.

My role was to make it happen operationally. I had to bring in the team, as well as looking after the budget and overseeing marketing and commercial operations. I brought in a number of event freelancers to work on the project. By the end there were about 50 core staff and on the day, there were close to 650 people working as well as 7000 stewards.

As a new company, I had to set up all the company processes and procedures as well as running the event production and overseeing the fundraising, commercial and marketing and PR elements.

It was a huge challenge working with so many stakeholders – keeping the internal team happy, let alone the Met Police, London boroughs, Port of London Authority and all the other agencies and local residents.

It was the best team ever – we worked hard but laughed a lot. It was a tricky balance to come up with something that was fitting and celebratory for the Queen, yet safe enough to satisfy all authorities. I was impressed with how the Metropolitan Police handle royal events, with a great deal of care around being discreet.

The one thing I couldn’t control was the weather, and I was gutted that the helicopters couldn’t fly because of poor visibility.

Still, it was great being an independent company as I felt in control and able to react quickly to situations without a bureaucratic chain.

It really sunk in the day after when I was invited to the Concert at Buckingham Palace. I realised I had been part of something spectacular.

Tips straight from the Zebra’s mouth…

Look at your project from every angle, present the best solutions, and consider all eventualities – you can deal with any situation that may arise.

Sink or Swim – My First Event Job

Thu, 25 Oct 2018 10:49:00 GMT

I should’ve known really – I’d always been the social planner amongst my friends.

Doing my boss’s job while she went on maternity leave was the start of it all. I adored organising the student exams. It wasn’t long before I decided I wanted to get a job in events.

After a few fruitless job applications, I caught a break with my old boss’s husband who ran an event production company. Two interviews later I got my first job in events as a Trainee Event Producer. It was a valuable lesson in the importance of networking. In fact, every job I’ve ever had in events was through contacts.

Networking will only get you through the door with a warm introduction though – you still need to deliver and dazzle on the other side.

I spent four years in my first agency as a Trainee Producer. It was an amazing training ground. The company was going through huge growth and it was sink or swim. I was producing my own events within six months – and not just producing, but doing the logistics and technical as well. I remember my boss teaching me to showcall in the car on the way to an event in Brighton – probably not the most extensive training but it did get me through the event… just!

I had finally found something I loved.

The fact that you work up to an event gives a natural high point. I find it addictive. I also learnt about the post-show blues when you crash back down to earth after an intense time.

My first boss, Ben Hillson, gave me a great piece of advice when I was running a big conference.

“However stressed or bad you feel, you come into work and smile and motivate that team.”

I still live by that today. Once you do it, the stress starts to fall away and you become happier without even thinking about it.

Going it alone

After fours years, I took the plunge and went freelance.

I stayed freelance for eight amazing years, working on such an incredible variety of projects, and really developing my personality at work.

For the first few years in the industry, I’d worried about pleasing the client and behaving a certain way. Whilst freelancing I could be more myself – I guess that comes with confidence too. I now think that the clients like it if you can have a laugh with them. As long as the work remains professional, it’s nice to show a bit of personality.

Tips straight from the Zebra’s mouth…

Thinking about a career in the events industry?

Talk to people in the industry, be curious, be polite, work hard and look for ways to continue to learn and improve your knowledge.

Leaving university – follow your heart

Thu, 18 Oct 2018 10:53:00 GMT

I love what I do!

I didn’t know my job even existed when I graduated with an Economics degree. At the time (over 20 years ago), there was very little careers advice if you didn’t want to follow a traditional path. I didn’t – and I was determined to find something I loved.

Was it daunting – yes!

Watching your friends sign up to graduate schemes at the big law firms, management consultants or accountants, of course you wonder whether you should’ve just gone for it. But looking back, I don’t regret it for a minute.

I’m passionate about people finding what they love, just like I did. It’s not easy to resist the instant security of the big firm and the regular hit into the bank account, and whilst it might mean an awkward conversation with the folks, it will work out for the better.

I love mentoring and helping people on their journey – sometimes you just need someone else to tell you it’s going to be ok. It can feel like everyone else around you is more sorted, but more often than not, they’re probably looking at you and thinking exactly the same thing. And they’re a little bit envious that you’ve had the guts to follow your heart.

It’s good practice for the future: starting a business can be slow process and you need to hold your nerve. You can go for six months without winning any new business, yet in one day, your revenue could double.